amitabh bachchan, Bollywood, bollywood movies, chick flick, cinema, comedy, critics, deewar, don, don 2, ek mein aur ekk tu, funny, humor, india, indian cinema, knight in shining armor, mere paas ma hai, movie critics, mumbai, paas, Shah Rukh Khan, slapgate, srk, srk slap, srk slapgate, superstardom, swoops, watching movies, worthless pieces, writing
Or, as it’s rightly said in Hindi, “Mere paas maa hai!” was, still is and will remain the most famous dialog in Bollywood for the next few decades. The 1975 classic Deewar set new standards in Indian cinema and elevated mortal beings into superstardom. Sadly, the ’70s were all that Bollywood could offer in terms of originality, innovation and pleasure. Apart from the occasional gem, a majority of the movies made in Bollywood today are worthless pieces of stool.
There is one – just one – formula that all Bollywood movies follow nowadays:
A meets B.
Falls in love with B.
A thinks life is all roses and unicorns. Sings a song or two.
But, oh no! What’s this? B is in love with C! How unexpected!
A is shattered. Depressed. Sings a song or two.
C, meanwhile, is a jerk and does something inhuman, untrustworthy.
B loses faith in C. B is depressed. Blames self for misfortune. Sings a song or two.
A swoops in like a knight in shining armor. Consoles B.
B falls in love with A. All is fine, sing a song or two.
Optional (for violence): C and A have a fight.
If A and C are men, you have a strong romantic movie filled with songs, drama and action. If A and C are women, you have a spicy, romantic chick flick.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but every one of these so-called ‘new and improved’ movies work on these lines. This is the core formula. The unchanging storyline for any movie worth it’s salt to pass inspection. Package the formula with a college theme, a superhero theme, a gangster theme, and just about any goddamn theme – you get one crappy movie after another.
The Bollywood Crap Factory has been churning out disaster after such disaster for the past twenty-odd years. And it’s amazing how people just fall for it each and every time. Either that, or re-hashing successful old movies with more masala and lesser clothes and disgusting lyrics to excite more hapless people.
Unabashed over-the-top acting with too much drama and too many emotions and too many movements of the eyebrows, relying too much on non-Indian folk to add some elements of ‘variance’ or as the producers like to call it, ‘a global touch’ – these are few of the trends that are bound to backfire and implode sooner or later. Actors who engage in silly publicity stunts, those who sell their souls to be on a reality show and those who sell their bodies to get featured in a newspaper – we have all kinds of lunatics in this business.
I crave for the day this ridiculous trend is overturned for something better. Bollywood needs a face-lift. And soon!