Ever seen a horror movie? Ever had that feeling that the obligatory dumb girl in the movie deserved to die? Better still, ever had that cold crawl up your spine just as the door to a dark room is being slowly opened and the haunting music builds up to a loud crescendo and ends in a bloodbath? Well, I’m sure you have. But these things aren’t much fun when the movie pauses every five minutes for “buffering”…
And its especially not at all fun when you’re cooped in a room full of giggling girls, who laugh at the dumb heroine’s plight or the poor hero’s agony or the terrifying evil spirit’s helplessness at being trapped inside the screen. (Yeah, I know you’re thinking of The Ring, where Samara comes through the screen and silences her happy critics! If only Emily Rose were possessed by such a beast!)
Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed it. I loved every buffering second of the disastrous movie – the frequent trips to the bathroom, the pepsi, the cookies, the jokes and the realization that the next day was a holiday and we could all wake up at our own sweet time without the courtesy of the alarm clock. But I have this disease that contorts my face into a semblance of a bored expression bordering on suicidal when I’m really engrossed in a movie, and my friends mistook this to be a homicidal one. My apologies here. I’m setting the record straight.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose was a good movie even though most of us had already watched it thrice, but this experience was something different. I’d never experienced a horror movie in this manner before, and surprisingly enough, my instinct to stay alive forced me to sleep with a light on.
Take my friendly suggestion – if you want to watch a horror movie, please keep three rules in mind before you begin:
1. Make bloody sure (no puns intended) that the movie is buffered! DVDs are a safer option for rich kids.
2. Have lots of Pepsi at hand.
3. Use a pair of headphones to block out the incessant giggles.