The Big Crunch!

end of the world2008 hasn’t been a very good year for me so far. In fact, it hasn’t been a good year for most of the people I’ve known – failed marriages, failed love lives, too many bad days at work and school, diets not working, falling down, accidents, losing clients, losing major contracts, losing jobs, cost-cuttings, fights at home, and so on… The list is endless. Most of the people I know can’t really explain what’s happening. Last year, it had been so good for these people, me included, and all of a sudden, fortunes change drastically. A close friend of mine lost close to fifty thousand rupees on the stock markets and another good friend of mine had a life-threatening accident. I almost had my brush with death when the plane I was traveling in, on my way to India from New York, experienced so much turbulence that the pilot announced that they had to make an emergency landing somewhere – freaked me out at that time, but the turbulence passed and I reached safely.
But on the whole, it hasn’t been a really good year.

Friends of mine have flunked their exams and whose who were waiting for job offers and marriage proposals were disappointed. Another friend of mine called Divya was so happy that she had finally found a guy to get married and she called me up, all hyper-excited! A week later, she told me the marriage was off as the guy decided to study further and rejected her. I was more heartbroken, not only for her, but it proved my theory of 2008 being a very very bad year for most people.

Now, I know why it is a bad year. I did some calculations and called up a few people who take this astrology thing seriously, and I have a passably corny theory, wrapped in some flimsy auspices of scientific fact. Here it is:

The Big Bang Theory states that once the universe stops expanding, it’ll start collapsing into itself. This phenomenon is termed the Big Crunch. Sometime in December last year,  the Universe reached its limit of expansion, and just like an expanding balloon, it paused for an instant, stretched out to its tensile limit, and hung in an instant of timelessness. Everything stopped in that instant, including time. I don’t know if any of you have noticed that time seemed to be behaving strangely around November-December of 2007, but for me at least, it was so unnerving. I used to think that time seemed to be going slower than usual. Maybe it was because I had my exams at that time, but I don’t know. The clock never seemed to move ahead!

Now, in 2008, the Universe has begun the Crunch. Everything is moving in reverse – bad things are replacing good things everywhere in the world. Crime rate is up 11% in India alone! We are stuck in this lawless, reverse universe for a couple of billion years minimum.

I think we’d better start praying…

Disclaimer: The above theory has absolutely no scientific or astrological basis. It’s pure and utter nonsense, a brainchild of a bored and zombified mind. 😀

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

17 thoughts on “The Big Crunch!

  1. Oh ! Thu !!

    I actually thought that Theory was something….

    I should never believe anything before I read the complete post in your Blog !

    …./*All of you reading this, Stop laughing @ Me! I know I’m a Dumbass*\

    Actually, 2008 has been a very good year for me till now…:D
    I’ve done really well in all the tests, been studying like crazy and even my Blog stats have gone high !!

    Big Crunch = Bull Shit !!

  2. Seriously this year isnt good for most of the people i suppose…..
    for me i had no regular classes from January n im missing my frndz a lot ,i faced the gr8 board exams n the result do will be out this year 😦
    and its like almost every body lost huge amount in the stock market during th gr8 fall

  3. @Priya
    There’s a reason I put the disclaimer at the bottom… hahaha… if i’d put it in the beginning, u wouldn’t have read it!! 😛
    But, seriously, i hope this year continues to be great for u… 🙂

    i can understand… all the best for your exam results! I’m sure u’ll ace them… 🙂

  4. I like that you have a theory. I also found interesting the idea that time stopped for a few beats, sometime in November/December 2007. And now we are closing in on ourselves, time wise.

    Once again, I would write a poem out of this post, because it’s very interesting, but not at all sad, even though the some of the events are sad.

    I think along the lines of Buddhism, that each event is a product of an infinite number of other events, and that nothing exists in isolation. Unless we could really trace every event in 2008 back to that moment in 2007 when time stopped. I’m not disagreeing with your theory, just thinking out loud. I have a habit of doing that….

    You’re a great writer with a distinctive voice. Keep writing, your posts are entertaining and thought provoking. 🙂

  5. @Mariacristina
    First of all, thanks so much for your words of praise… Means a lot to me… 🙂
    And yes, I do agree with your views, and I definitely think that no event is in isolation… Thats the whole nature of cause-and-effect… and even the Butterfly Effect, which says that a butterfly flaps its wings in china and there’s a thunderstorm in Britain… 😀
    this is also the essence of the chaos theory… maybe we are at the very edge of chaos… 🙂
    Please compose a poem on this… I’m waiting to read it… 🙂

  6. I think I agree with you – not on the theory (!!) but on the fact that this year seems a little disoriented to most people… I wonder why…?

  7. I dunno… i love this year so far… maybe u’re just being too hasty… its still april, man.. give it some time! 😀

  8. I knew very well that the universe is not going to crunch back, but somehow I wanted to believe your theory. Its fascinating. 🙂
    Finally, whats going to happen is that our universe will collide with some other expanding universe and everything would go topsyturvy. 🙂
    And…2008 has been good for me…till now. Thankfully.

  9. @Amit
    I hope 2008 will continue being good for u… and hopefully by the time ur prediction about the universe comes true, we’ll all be dead.. 😀

  10. Yes, bad year it has been 😀 Hopefully, this year will pass soon or things will improve! Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

  11. I am sorry for your bad year… I don’t know about “The Big Crunch” I do know that things work in cycles… once you hit the low it will begin anew…

  12. Who says the big crunch theory isn’t any more believable than this ‘sky daddy’ you call god. Research your facts dumbass.

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