The Day I Almost Died…

Well, not exactly. But I came dangerously close to losing my life. πŸ˜€

I live a dangerous life. My job takes me all the remote corners of the city and more often that not, I end up rubbing the wrong people the wrong way. No, I don’t give back rubs for a living, but something close. Whenever I fail to make my clients look like God’s gifts to mankind, and end up looking bad in public, they scream bloody murder and run behind me with guns, knifes and swords, baying for my blood. A few days ago, I almost regretted being in this business. πŸ˜€

Everyone would probably agree that the word “jobs” does not mean “people”, literally speaking. This schism between the two words is enhanced if they are used in a sentence like this: “We’re offering jobs…” and “We’re offering people…” πŸ˜€

Journalism is losing its charm in this country and when this happens, the quality of people entering the field drastically comes down. Exceptions aside, all the new kids in journalism are very green, with loads to learn, starting with the difference in meaning between the two sentences above! When a multinational company’s CEO is quoted as saying, “We’re offering people…” I tend to get a bit nervous and fear for my life. The moment I read this quote in the paper that morning, I gulped and crouched under the table, and sure enough, ten minutes later, the hits started pouring in. πŸ˜€

“Whom do we offer PEOPLE to??”
“We offer PEOPLE??”
“What sort of a joke is this??”
“Where do you stay??”

and so on…

The CEO wanted me killed. The mafia had a gleam in their eye, wondering about who it was that encroached on their human trafficking business. The MD of the company wanted me killed. My friend, whom I was doing a favor by promising him a quote by the CEO of the company (it was technically his client) wanted me killed, fired and then shot. The bloody journalist was “not reachable” on his phone. πŸ˜€

This is the last time, I thought to myself, that I help out people outside my clientΓ¨le. I’ll stick to my own circle and face the music on my own, with the number of people baying for my blood reduced by half, well under the panic limit. πŸ˜€

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

21 thoughts on “The Day I Almost Died…

  1. Professional hazards dear..professional hazards.
    This “not reachable” thing just freaks me out. I’m like…why the hell have u got the mobile then??

  2. @Reema
    Yeah, ppl buy mobiles and suddenly become unreacheable! πŸ˜€

    Thanks! πŸ˜€

    hehehe… yeah, you’re better off where you are! πŸ˜€ I envy you!

    @Swetha Pai
    Yeah, looks like it… Hehehe… πŸ˜€

    Very narrow!! Very narrow!! Phew! LD

    Hmmm… Thanks, i guess!

    @Amit, @RJ
    IT rocks, guys! On a rocking chair! πŸ˜€

  3. second life…ooooh!!!!

    Time yu quit the “deadly” industry and start ‘living in piece’…oops…’peace’ πŸ˜€

  4. My GOD..
    Nikhil, what do you do for your living? !:-) TV9 genaadru seridraa??

    and yaava mobile, “Towers idiya enu nodbeku”? neevu karemaadida graahakaru …n/w pradeshada horagiddare.. mathe prayathnisi !!

  5. Meandered in while surfing the web. Loved the way you ended the post ” Thanks for giving me your phone number when I asked you for it in my dream.” . It’s so sweet. Your post reminded me of

    Kissi shayar ka khwaab ho tum
    Khud ko bhool jaao mai, woh nasha ho tum
    Ab hosh na aaye to behtar hoga
    Sapna hi sahi, mera apna ho tum

  6. wow, u must be feeling like Jason Bourne right now! now only if we could orchestrate something that could lead to some memory loss for you!

  7. @Gulmohar
    lol… its ok… πŸ˜€

    Thanks! πŸ˜€

    You’re back!!!!!!!! Welcome!! Miss you, dude! πŸ˜€

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: