What A Man Wants! :)

Be warned, this is an opinion poll! πŸ˜€

I was bored to death today, searching aimlessly for a new theme for the site, trying in vain to purchase the domain name and realizing that a debit card is not a credit card, yawning every three minutes, scratching my face and my head and my back loud enough to annoy others around me and, every now and then, texting song request to the radio station. There was absolutely nothing of importance to do at work today, and I felt like going back home to the warm comfort of my bed, the blue blanket, the soft pillows, the England-South Africa test match and a warm cup of tea. If wishes were horses, I’d have a stable by now.

One thing of interest that cropped up today was a very heated argument discussion debate about what sort of women do men prefer. Er.. Let me rephrase that. The discussion was about what sort of women men find attractive – tall or short. There were four players in this very animated discussion and I shall christen them Hot Chick, Stud 1, Stud 2 and Pimp Me. πŸ˜€

Hot Chick started the debate and said that the reason she was wearing 6-inch heels was that she wanted to look taller and that tall women exact a second look wherever they go. She explained about how tall women, irrespective of whether they were attractive or not, are always the focus of attention of men, while walking down the street, making a presentation, or just about anything. She threw a few famous personalities in the ring and argued how these tall women were winners in life, and claimed that all tall women are famous mostly because of their height and ignored all the other formulae for success. πŸ˜€

Stud 1 then stepped into the fray and argued against this, and claimed how he admired shorter women. He claimed that some of the most famous women in history were short and that the average height of an Indian woman is around 5’1″ to around 5’3″, and any woman taller than this exact a second look because of this deviation from the ‘norm’. πŸ˜€

Stud 2 just agreed with Stud 1.

All three of them looked at me and I voiced one of my favorite quotes of wisdom, “An opinion is like an asshole; everyone has one!” πŸ˜€

Lots of other people also joined in the debate and eventually, everyone was shouting his/her asshole opinion. Hot Chick decided to take this debate public and asked me to write a post on it and throw the debate open to the intellectually superior readers of MirrorCracked their views on the topic. In a nutshell, the question being discussed is this:

Are taller women more attractive than shorter women and do taller women succeed as eye candy mainly because of their height?

Don’t hold anything back, dear Reader. Whatever your opinion (er…) is, just say it! Let’s see where this goes. I am just a moderator, and I will take offense if anyone calls me a sexist. Call me any other name, I can live with it! πŸ˜€

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Drenched!

I love getting drenched in rain, when I’m on the terrace with minimal clothing and loads of time. But not while driving. This week has been terrible so far, and I’ve been getting drenched almost every single day either while coming to work in the morning or going home late at night.

The worst part of getting drenched while driving is those irritating little pockets of water that accumulate in my underwear, making me squirm. I think I’ve told this before, though I’m not sure. A genetic disability has forced me to wear glasses and a lack of common sense has forced me to use a helmet whose loose visor is completely scratched. When its raining, I can’t keep the visor up because it keeps slipping shut, and if I keep it shut, I can’t see anything in front of me, and if it’s open even for a few seconds, my glasses get drenched and fog up and I can’t see anything in front of me! πŸ˜€

I sometimes resort to a few stone-age tactics like a piece of rubberband holding the visor up or a piece of paper to keep it in place, half-open, but all these tactics fail miserably when it rains. Once the rubberband snapped and flew off into the crowd and I didn’t dare look back when someone screamed in pain and anger. πŸ˜€

Today, my run of misfortunes took a completely new turn, and I am sure I could hear God clutching his belly and laughing hard at me. I had to go to the ATM to draw some money at around 11 in the morning, and it had just stopped raining. It had been a pretty heavy downpour and as soon as it stopped and the sun peeped out, I took out my bike and rode down the road to the ATM. It’s a three-minute drive from my office to the ATM, and I reached there, stood in line behind a woman carrying a wailing baby and in front of a belching, obese guy. When it was my turn to use the machine, I thanked God for small favors and completed my transaction.

As I came out and started the bike, the sky immediately became overcast and as soon as I had moved three feet, the skies opened up and the rain came down in all its fury, drenching me completely. I drove as fast as I could and reached the office three minutes later, dripping wet and as soon as I parked my bike, the rain stopped as suddenly as it had started.

I look up at the sky at times like these and ask God, “Why me?” πŸ˜€

Image Courtesy: Cartoonstock.com

20,000 hits in 5 months! :)

Yay! Time to celebrate!

I would like to thank each and every one of you who have read my blog, commented and made this wonderful thing possible! Crossing 20,000 hits in the fifth month of this blog’s conception is just too good to be true. I almost want to celebrate now, rip my shirt off, whirl it in the air and cry, “Yippee!” out loud, but the fear of crossing the line of decency and losing my job. πŸ˜€

Thank you all for making me smile on a mundane Monday morning! πŸ˜€

Cheers to all!

Terror Strikes Bangalore!

Bangalore was rocked by a series of seven low-intensity blasts today, starting at 1.30 pm IST, spaced 12 minutes apart. One woman is confirmed dead and several others are injured.

What the hell is this world coming to?

Considered the Silicon Valley of India, Bangalore has been a terrorist “hot-spot” for quite a few years now. Bomb threats had been reported on a daily basis, and most of them turned out to be hoaxes. Today, we have realized that the city’s security measures are quite inadequate and that the police and intelligence departments aren’t up to the mark in processing the information they have. But that’s always been the case with India. It always takes a disaster like this one to make people sit up and take notice of the very real threat we are facing.

The people of Bangalore have always been a resilient lot, and it made my heart light when I saw complete strangers showing support for each other and saying things like, “It’s ok, we can get through this!” and “Don’t worry, they can’t break us!”

Support has been pouring in from all quarters of the globe and this attack has been chastised by all. Public transportation has not been disrupted, schools and offices have not been closed, people’s lives hasn’t changed much except for being a little wiser about the possibility of such attacks.

My most sincere condolences to all those who have been personally affected by this attack and I do hope that your spirit is strong enough to get through this ordeal. To quote a line from the movie Gandhi, “You can break my body, but not my spirit! We are not afraid!”

The latest news is available here and here.

Images Courtesy: NDTV and CNN-IBN

A Thousand Words! :)

More often than not, a picture speaks a thousand words. Some pictures, however, try to be succinct and end up being speechless. I got a forwarded mail today, with some of the strangest and the funniest examples of why some pictures shouldn’t speak at all! πŸ˜€

I am still laughing. I cannot be sure about the source of thses images as none was mentioned in the mail. So, if any of you feel that I have sinned, let me know and I’ll try to get the source. πŸ˜€

The 6 signs of insanity!

Over the years, insane people have ruled the world and through their insanity, proven to the rest of us that we were extremely lucky to be born and raised the way we were. But before we start rejoicing and gulping down tequila shots and raising toasts to our sanity, we should stop and consider the six signs of insanity that are not always apparent. πŸ˜€

You know you are insane if you display –

1. An excessive desire to smile broadly to yourself in public. But beware, this could also mean that you are in love, as I discovered after a rather surreal weekend.

2. A tendency to stare at people for a long time, with no visible change in your expression other than winking at the person from time to time and wrinkling your nose at an imaginary stench until the person who’s being stared at either slaps you or walks away disgusted.

3. A burning desire to hum the tunes from the movie Speed whenever you are in the elevator, irrespective of whether there are other people around you.

4. A habit of picking both nostrils at once when in a dinner and holding your fingers in there while sucking the strands of noodles.

5. A lack of common sense when talking to someone from whom you need a favor and repeatedly threaten him/her that you will steal their underwear the next time he/she is sleeping.

6. Your private parts in public.

Judge yourself. Are you sane? πŸ˜€

The Death Of The Knock-Knock Joke!

Fellow blogger and close friend, Scorpria, just killed the “Knock-Knock” joke!

For centuries, the Knock-Knock jokes have enthralled us and held us captive in their charm and wit and charisma, and total disregard for pronunciation, punctuation and common sense! They have never failed to bring a smile to our faces and laugh at our own ignorance! Now, the Knock-Knock joke is no more! There is evenΒ  a Wikipedia page dedicated to this great joke!

This was the conversation, verbatim, that occured on the 18th of July, at 4.59 pm.

Me: Hey Scorpria, mind if I tell you a great Knock-Knock joke?

Scorpria: Oh, not at all! I love them!

Me: Knock! Knock!

Scorpria: Come in!Β  πŸ˜€

…………

Doctors, please note the hour of death. Obituaries are called for, and may be deposited in the comments section.

Due to the gruesomeness of the murder, I also call for a discussion to decide the most appropriate punishment for Scorpria. Such murderers cannot be allowed to walk the streets scott-free! Also, please be noted that a motion has been passed to officially christen July 18th as the “Knock-Knock Day,” in loving memory.

Rest In Peace!

Image Courtesy: metal-archives.com