From Bangalore With Love

Stranger Than Strange
My Life: Stranger Than Strange

Strange things seem to happen to me most of the time. I don’t know if anyone else experiences weirdness on a daily basis as I do. Today, a DHL courier guy sniffed my butt, I broke my thumb, and I managed to get myself locked in an ATM counter. All within a span of two hours.

I wanted to send a package to Trivandrum, in Kerala. It was a set of pretty Fabindia kurtas for a friend, on the occasion of Onam. She had specifically asked me not to send anything, and that was why I had to send her some nice clothes. So, after some confusing shopping, I settled on a pair of kurtas. I vowed never to shop for women again.

In the evening, I left office a bit early to courier the package at the DHL office in Malleshwaram, which is just a few miles from home. A harrowing one-hour ride on my rickety bike later, I reached the place.

“Hi,” I said to the courier guy sitting behind the desk. “I’ve got a package to be sent to Kerala.”

“Sir, all connections to Kerala are closed for Onam. It’ll reach only on Monday,” he said.

I sighed and said, “Ok, fine. Give me the earliest connection,” and tried to un-sling my backpack, but it wouldn’t budge. There was an irritating hook in the bag, which had gotten stuck to my belt buckle and my bag was locked in place. When I tried to move it, my pants rode up, giving me a wedgie. It was quite embarrassing, and the courier guy was looking at me with some amusement.

“Excuse me,” I told him. “Can you please check this hook? I think it’s stuck to my pants.” I was utterly, completely, thoroughly embarrassed and I hoped to hell he wouldn’t recognize me on a later day.

He came around and stood behind me and crouched down and held his face as close to my butt as he could. After a while, he said, “Yes sir, the hook is stuck to the belt buckle.” He took a pair of scissors and bent down again. We struck a queer pose – me, standing there and him, bending down, examining my ass with a pair of scissors in hand. I was desperately praying that no one walk through the door at that time and find the both of us in this compromising position. My prayers were answered and no one walked in, and soon, he had freed the hook from my pants and I could un-sling my bag. We avoided looking into each others’ eyes.

“Can I pay with my credit card?” I asked as I handed over the package to him.

“No sir, we don’t,” he said. Of course they won’t. Things can never be too easy, right? So, I told him, “Ok, then start billing, I’ll go to the ATM next door.”

Three people stood in a line outside the ATM, and I stood there, patiently awaiting my turn. Ten excruciating minutes later, the guy in front of me finished his transactions and I withdrew my money. As I tried to open the door, I realized that it was locked. The ATM counter had a button that we needed to push in order to open it from inside, and that button had been ripped out, with only a few dangerous wires hanging from the hole. I didn’t know what to do. There was no phone inside the counter. I had my cell phone, but I didn’t want to call the cops and be embarrassed a second time.

I waited there for exactly 9 minutes until someone else came up to the counter. I told him that I was locked in and that he could open the door by inserting his card through the slot on the other side. He did so and I was free. I thanked him and together, we hauled a piece of tile and blocked the door so that it wouldn’t shut completely, trapping some other poor fellow.

I ran up to the DHL office and paid up the money and took my receipt and ran out. Finally, I said to myself. I can go home in peace.

As I was removing my bike from the parking lot, I dropped my helmet, which I was holding in my hand. Instinctively, I bent down to pick it up before it rolled away onto the main road, and lost control of the bike and fell over to my side, with my left thumb being pinned between the concrete road and the bike’s handle. One tiny bone somewhere inside that thumb snapped and driving back in that pain was hell. I was screaming all the way home and people thought I was drunk.

From Bangalore, all the way to Trivandrum, with love. I hope they deliver the package to the right address! πŸ˜€

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

57 thoughts on “From Bangalore With Love

  1. Onam is a festival when we celebrate Maveli visiting Kerala every year. And yes he is an asuran, who I guess you know, belong to the group of Demons.

    But he was a good king.

    May be the rest of the Demons were after you. πŸ˜€
    Read the story here

  2. sorry MISTER if the emoticon didnt work for the first time it doesnt mean u will change it.

    I meant

    the things we do in and for love πŸ™„

  3. Damn! Yu broke your thumb??? And what the hell were yu thinking of typing this post?? Did yu get an xray taken, mister? by tumoro, yur thumb wud’ve joined bones in all directions! it wont look like a thumb anymore! πŸ˜›

    And awwwww….the things yu du!! But well, yu never listen to ‘wise’ ppl!

  4. ha ha ha ha .. It can be only you who can get locked in an ATM .. Trust me really ..

    Did you go for an X-RAY?? .. Take pain-killers ..

    By the way, I hv been missing you and ur comments in my last few posts .. Where hv u been ??

  5. Ohh…All this in a day’s work.
    Which one was the most enjoyable of all this?? πŸ˜›
    If I’d been at your place,then the ATM incident was to be the most weird for me!Imagine if no one came on the other side of the door πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  6. Oh boy! after all aren’t you God’s favourite Yo Yo? Just for kicks, did you try to fart when the courier guy was working on you? I am trying to imagine what would have happened.

  7. @Xylene
    Hahaha!! Help me, macha! πŸ˜€

    All I have to say to rude people is πŸ˜›

    Hehehehe… Yeah! Yippee…

    Wise people shouldn’t be listned to.. they should be loved and pampered! πŸ˜‰

    Hehe… Yeah man, I’m doing all the medical treatments now…
    And I’m really sorry bro… Haven’t had time to read any blogs lately… I’ll do it asap, I promise πŸ™‚

    I think the most enjoyable part was when I realized that somehow, somewhere god was clutching his belly and laughing… πŸ˜€

    Hahahaha!! Hmmm… I wonder..!! πŸ˜€

  8. Awww!!!! What people do in love & how God conspires to help you πŸ˜€
    Hope your thumb is better now.

    BTW as far as experiencing weirdness on a daily basis is concerned, let me tell you about my day starting from wed evening till yest evening.
    – I forgot my wallet in office (the wallet has all my cards, money, train pass etc)
    – When I came home I saw 5 fishes from my aquarium had passed away 😦
    – Yest morning my bai didn’t turn up 😦
    – Had to go for aerobics but missed my train & the next train was after 20 mins
    – Took an auto & after covering few kms I realised that I had forgotten my I Card 😦 and going inside my office premises is a task. And the rest of the day was spent in “will you please give me access to the door” or getting locked in the staircase waiting for someone else to come and take me out πŸ˜€

    That was me yesterday πŸ™‚

  9. owweee… that must hurt real bad! broken thumb and all. What all kind of things happen to you dude!!
    Hope thumb is better now.

  10. Nikhil:

    I have a feeling that like once-flooded houses in England, soon insurance of any kind is going to be non-available to you, going by your documented exploits… πŸ˜‰

  11. Man!! Sometimes I feel sorry instead of amused after reading things that happen to you. God bless you my child!!!

    Ok…. now πŸ˜€ :D: D (pointing at you and) hihihihihihih heheheh

  12. Such is life maga, such is life. Just check with ur friend if she receives the clothes u sent .. Imagine if she gets some tattered rags instead .. will sorta be the icing on ur brilliant day

  13. aaaaaaaaaahhh! cho chweet of you to go get kurtas for “her”! πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    and what else do you expect for God’s fav ‘yo-yo’? πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  14. Dr. Orthopaedician in the house. Everyone calm. The patient may come forward.

    How is your thumb now? Is it hurting? Is it swollen? Have you taken it to the doctor? Better put some ice on it and take some analgesics like Brufen or Voveran.

    [Back to the Rocker]

    Crazy stuff dude. By the way, I’m from Kerala too! πŸ˜‰

  15. AT last here!!! Missed some of your posts! will catch up! and happy onam! onam samsangal… A gift for onam!!! hey sounds good, do forward one to hyderabad too…..

    And that was a hilarious,,, and your thumb fine???

  16. Don’t know why…this is the second time I think you remind me of yet another Friends episode & Chandler. Remember the ATM one? No hot gal with you though…how sad πŸ™‚
    Things that happen to you! No wonder you have a friend who thinks she will save the world from WWIII πŸ˜€
    Hope your thumb is alright soon.
    And hope your friend got her package in one piece & the right one at that πŸ™‚

  17. dude… imagining ur stint with the courier man and u putting up a long face inside the ATM was like watching a Charlie Chaplin show… πŸ˜› sorry for ur thumb, but even then i cant stop laughing… πŸ˜€

  18. oops! hope you are better now Nikhil.
    I think we all have such days..for me these things happen in threes and looks like they happen to you in threes too! In fact at one time, after two unpleasant incidences in a day, I would pray for the third one, so I could spend the rest of the day in peace! πŸ™‚
    I think in a way we make it happen. I mean it’s like we aren’t in a good mood that day, so don’t concentrate.

  19. Reminds me of a waiter who brought a bowl of soup with his thumb dipped in it. The customer, bewildered, asked “Why have you dipped your thumb in the soup?” The waiter said, “Sir, I have broken my thumb, and dipping it in the hot soup feels nice!”
    The customer flies into a rage: “Why don’t you stick that thumb up your ass, you *^%$#!” The waiter replied quietly, “Sir, when I was in the kitchen waiting for the soup, I did just that!”
    After this, to smell your butt, one (whoever such fortunate be) one would not have to kneel down so low. Butt seriously, take care.

  20. Lol…That was a great read,,Sorry for laughing at your bad day,but you have written it so beautifully..Hope the kurta reaches your friend with love intended,,

  21. uh oh! Hope the sore thumb doesnt stick out for long! Too bad!
    .. and I specifically can tell you NOT to send me any gifts too *wink wink* *blink blink* πŸ˜›

    You should think positive. Things could have gone worse na πŸ˜› Just imagine what would have happened if someone had just caught you and the courier fella in that compromising position!

  22. @Smita
    Which is why I told you you’re my yoyo counterpart!
    And I’m sorry for the fishies… 😦

    Hehehe… Yeah, thumb’s better now…

    @Quirky Indian
    I seem to be quite late in realizing that always!

    LOL… Yeah, I seem to have ‘one of those days’ everyday… thumb’s much better… πŸ™‚

    If that happens, I’ll just have something else to write about!

    LOL… Thanks!! πŸ˜›

    Yeah, I am…

    @Avionic Spanker
    Hahaha! Yeah, I hope she does… Lets see… It’ll all happen on Monday, when I wait for the dreaded call, where she says, “Nikhil, you said you sent kurtas! Is this your idea of a joke? I got tattered rags!”

    Yup! Certainly seems so!

    Hehehe… Yeah.. It’s better now… πŸ™‚

    Welcome to MirrorCracked!
    You’re giving love tips to the love guru!?

    LOL… Yeah! Thanks! πŸ˜›

    Hehehe… Yeah, well I just hope you’re as good a doctor as you’re a musician! πŸ˜›
    Happy Onam, btw!

    Yeah… I’m ok now… tick tock… tick tock…

    @Mystique Dew
    Yeah! What to do! 😦

    Welcome to MirrorCracked!
    Hehehe… roll away, my friend! πŸ™‚

    Yeah, shopping for women is insane!!

    Jeez, thanks! πŸ˜›

    Oh yeah.. The ATM episode.. Damn, what do i do now? I don’t wanna be chandler bing!!
    thumb’s much better now, thanks… πŸ™‚

    LOL… hehehe… thumb’s ok now maga… πŸ™‚

    Yeah, these things happen in threes, only in my case, its a cycle, it never stops…

    I think it was the latter!

    Hehehe! Funny story… Thankfully, my pants were still on me when he sniffed my butt… LOL…

    Thanks! I accept!

    Yeah, welcome back!

    Welcome to MirrorCracked!
    Thanks, I hope so too…!!

    Hahaha! I shudder to think!

    Welcome to MirrorCracked!
    It’ll reach on Monday! πŸ™‚

  23. bagwan jab detha hai chapad phad ke detha hai (When god gives he breaks the roof whilst he gives πŸ˜› )

    Rofl !! . . . . Great post πŸ˜€ Take care of ur broken thumb

  24. Ouch!!! who would have thot a day could have so many disasters!!!! shucks!!

    hope your thumb is better and your friend likes the kurtas!!! πŸ™‚

  25. Hi Nikhil,
    Trust u had a nice onam and by the way nice article. Well written and realistic to the core… At times strange things too happen. May be it was not ur day….I am sure better times are ahead. Getting stuck in the ATM center sounds scary…Have read a couple of ur other articles as well earlier.. Keepup the good writing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: