The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging

So you think you know how to blog, do you? Well, if you do, then good for you! Sometimes, the ability to delude ourselves is an important survival tool. For all those unfortunate netizens who sit and stare with open mouths at blogs and wonder how it’s done and for all those fortunate ones, who think they know how to blog, here’s a must-have quick reference – The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging! It’s about bloody time someone taught us how to blog!

Rule 1: Eat

Before you even think of the word ‘blog,’ eat well. I suggest a couple of bowls of chicken soup as well. There is a scientific reason behind this and I don’t want to go into the details. It has something to do with the ability to stifle a yawn.

Just take my advice – eat heartily and then sit in front of the computer and open the blog engine homepage.

Rule 2: Logging in

You can use your own username and password or you could steal someone else’s. It actually doesn’t matter as long as you get in. There’s a button usually present next to the password field that says “Enter” or “Submit” or “Log in” or, sometimes, very rarely, “Spank me.” Click that button. Congrats, you’ve just logged in.

Rule 3: Do A Tag

You’ll never be recognized as a blogger if you write shit and don’t do tags. Very few people know this, but the word “Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.”  The reasoning behind this would probably be the increasing amount of personal information that is being shared in each and every tag. (Oh, you wouldn’t believe it, but I once did a tag in which I asked a beautiful woman to marry me. But that’s just me. Different people reveal different things.)

So, beg, borrow or steal a meme, and do the tag. You’ll be certified as a blogger.

Rule 4: Etiquette

Just two words: No Nudity!

Whatever you write, whatever you comment, whatever photographs you upload and display, please make sure that your nude photographs and descriptions are not among them. No one wants to know. No one cares.

Rule 5: Comment Policy

One of the main aspects of blogging is to build good relationships with fellow bloggers. This can be achieved by visiting their site and leaving a scar comment on their article. This will force them to return the favor and voila! You’ve got a rudimentary blogroll! Now, don’t repeat that again. A good blogger never replies to comments or retaliates. A good blogger is always too drunk to do these things.

Rule 6: Logging out

Finally, after everything is said and done, you may search your page for a “Log Out” button. This button is also, very rarely, called “Spank me again.”

Go ahead. Blog! Show the world what you’ve got!

Let me rephrase that – Show the world how creative you can be! We don’t want to break Rule 4, do we?

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53 thoughts on “The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging

  1. Nice…I randomly came upon this post and blog.

    Hilarious and very helpful tips!

    I also looked around quite a bit on here and you are now on my blogroll and I’m adding you on my google reader as I type this (well not really, ‘cos I only have one computer but you know…you get the point).

  2. // “Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.” //

    Oh no !!!!!!!!!!

    great post man, I will read this everyday … first thing in the morning

  3. “Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.” ….. or “Towards A Greater SexlifePartner” (?) possibly 😀

  4. Knee Kill – I was planning to post individual comments on the posts ………..the onez I have missed. I went through each one of them. Each one is BLOODY BRILLIANT! so I refrain from posting a deluge of comments….rather I would just say Bloody Brilliant once again 🙂

  5. nice one! i agree with blogging on a full stomach. may i suggest a few cookies and milk on the side 🙂 it allows you to chew on your thoughts and wash them down 🙂

  6. LOL…

    but how about the “matter”…

    post on terrorost..
    suicde?
    extra martial….

    new guns :PPPPP

    lol…

    btw thanks for the “dummy”….. can’t get a real one or what 😉

  7. @Michael
    Welcome to MirrorCracked! 😀
    Thanks man! I’m going thro your blog now… 😀

    @Poonam
    I’m entitled to that, no? 🙂

    @Dinu
    Don’t forget to wash your hands and feet and salute this post too! 😀

    @Nova
    Er, should I call you Betty? 😀
    And, thanks!! 😀

    @Vijay
    Yes! Now you see the light? 😀

    @Suda
    I don’t know about you, man! 😀

    @Rahul
    Wow, thanks man!! I am honored! 😀

    @Compulsivewriter
    Haha! Yeah! How did I forget those?? 😀

    @Chakoli
    Hahahaha!! I’m not sure I understand your comment, but I’ll laugh! 😀

  8. LOL Niks, Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.” hahahaha!!!

    Hey, a foodie just can’t sit with just chicken soups mann…Hmmm lets see what I like, couple of garlic breads, bruscheeetaas, hmm may be a nice india vada pav — now there finally my stomach is full for me to be able to concentrate on bloggin 🙂

  9. well well,i don’t see anything about nudity in this post…do i? Cheater….bah!Now following what u said you can’t delete my comment can you? So shall i start spamming?

  10. @Deeps
    Vada pav!! Nice!! 😀

    @Vimal
    Enough publicity, dude!! 😀

    @Sulz
    You read my mind! 😉

    @Betty
    You got it! 😀

    @Priti
    Haha! Glad you did! 😀

    @Chirax
    LOL..!!! 😀

    @Vishesh
    Yeah man! Start spamming! 😀

    @Jimsmuse
    Hehehehe!! Yeah, spread the word! 😀

    @Anshul
    Should I write one? 😀

  11. Lol , I blogged on a full stomach ! And yet I slept while writing my
    blog 😦 . . .

    TAgs = “Towards A Greater Sexlife” rofl !! loved that 😀 ROfl

    Any acronyms for prompted posts ?? 😛 . .

  12. I came here at 5 pm but couldn’t comment. I realised I wasn’t following rule No. 1 So I went back and stuffed myself but when I followed Rule No. 2 I conked off on my keyboard….:D

    Rule 4 = Scratching the back 😀

  13. TAGS…. lol!!!
    Will look out for the Complete Reference to blogging. If only all guides were like this, I probably would read them 😉
    Still no news for us on the proposal?!
    I truly did not know about the rule of not blogging on an empty stomach – Thank you for that gyan 😀 just knew not to do grocery shopping on one as I told on Dinesh’s entry 🙂

  14. Dude, You are on a roll here!! Awesome!!! Roll baby roll… !!

    What I find interesting is that you are one preacher, who doesn’t practice what he preaches, and gets away with it too!!

    Damn Funny post Nikhil Kumar!!! 😀

    I am curious about your sudden flow for creativity, love and humor.. Tell us the secret behind that…. 😀

  15. I think the spank me button should be in the shape of ass for better effects and the pointer should be in the shape of a hand. 😀 That would be very authentic.

  16. Ha ah ha .. Thanks for teaching us this …

    It can surely prove to be a guidlines to new as well as veteran bloggers .. Thanks for sharing ur experience macha !!

  17. Whats with the whole ‘eating before blogging’ thing?? 😮

    Maybe, after many many “Dummy’s Guides” you can create a new page for all 😛

    Hahahaa….and the picture for “comment policy” is funny !

    @ Amit : ROFL !!

  18. Lol…very helpful tips…I think one shud really abide by atleast # 4 & 5 and now I know why I have 1000 visitors on my blog (ofcourse 1 is missing)

  19. @Arvind
    If you’re a veggie, then milk and cookies are the way to go!

    @Reema
    …the ability to stifle a yawn…
    😛

    @Piyu
    LOL…!!

    @Smita
    I have a soft corner for you, don’t worry!

    @Apar
    No, I shall keep you posted on the proposal!
    And thanks, I will write the more guides soon!

    @Vimal
    LOL!!

    @Su
    Haha! Congrats!

    @Kris Bass
    Hehheeheh!! No offense was intended, believe me!

    @Nita
    I am a guru of Nearly Everything.

    @Aparna
    Thanks!! And haven’t you heard what happened to the cat?? 😉

    @Amit
    ROFL..!!!!!!

    @Che
    Always happy to help!

    @Soham
    Hehehe! Thanks man!

    @Prax
    Yeah, do that!

    @Priya
    It’s too scientific… I’ll tell you later!
    And a new page is a great idea! I shall consider it…

  20. Hilarious post, Niks!!!!
    Awesome!!!
    Lol…if only all guides were wriiten by dummies..er er..you!! 😀
    Yes, I shall sure pass this on to my new blogger friend…am sure she’ll quit b4 she starts 😀

    And pls…remind me never tu “do” another tag 😀

    @Amit
    ROFL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. too late to comment i think ;( but nevertheless the post is a good one, enjoyed it..though dint understand about the “eating before blogging thing!”

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