Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and all names, incidents or places are fictitious. Any resemblance to any persons or characters living, dead or fictional is purely coincidental and no harm is intended to anyone through this story.
“I stirred from my sleep at around 8 in the morning. The sun streamed through the window and made my hairy chest glow a brilliant red. I looked around my room and saw bits and pieces of pottery lying as they had been the night before – haphazard and lacking order. My flowing beard got caught in under my feet as I stepped off the bed and I couldn’t prevent my head-long fall. The ground rushed up and I hit my head on the hard red-oxide floor and I passed out.
“When I woke up a little later, I was surprised to find that the fall had driven my brain against the walls of my skull and opened up a new dimension. I was blessed with excellent bladder control. I haven’t pee’d for two week now…”
“Whoa, wait. Hold on a minute!” said the police inspector as he switched off the tape recorder. He looked skeptically at the strange man sitting in front of him – he was covered in hair from top to bottom; hair was flowing from every part of his body, and the inspector wondered if he was wearing any clothes.
“Are you telling me that your beard got caught under your feet?” asked the inspector.
“Yes, it’s true,” said the hairy man. “Please believe me!”
“It’s hard to, but I’ll let you go on, Mr – “
“Potter. Hairy Potter. So, as I was saying, I have excellent bladder control.”
“Ok,” said the inspector. “Where does the Gall Stone come into the picture?” He didn’t sound convinced.
“Ah, the Gall Stone,” said Hairy Potter, and smiled…
In the dark recesses of Hairy’s kidneys, there lived an Over-Ambitious Gall Stone. It wanted to break free from it’s confines and see the world. Unfortunately, Hairy’s bladder movements were punctual and he had an excellent bladder control. For a whole week now, the Gall Stone hadn’t been able to move. Then, it made a drastic decision – it decided to break out of prison.
Bladder control or not, the Over-Ambitious Gall Stone started digging a tunnel in the kidney in order to break free. Hairy realized that he had to go check himself in a hospital to relieve himself of the pain. The doctors decided to operate and remove the Gall Stone.
As soon as the surgeon clutched the Gall Stone in his forceps and brought it out into the open, it screamed out, “I’m Freeeee!” and jumped out and started rolling towards the door. No one could find it anywhere…
“So, I want you to arrest the surgeon for losing my Gall Stone,” said Hairy Potter.
The inspector switched off the tape recorder a second time and placed his hands on the table and leaned forward. He looked at the hairy creature in front of him.
“Sir,” he said. “Do you think I’m fucking insane?”
Hairy was flustered. “Why?”
“Get out before I arrest you for attempted manslaughter!” he said. Hairy jumped up and moved towards the door, feeling scared.
“The toilet’s on your left. Go enjoy yourself,” the inspector called out after Hairy.
After making sure that Hairy had left, the inspector dialed a number.
“Lord Wall ‘de Fart?” he asked.
“Yesss,” the voice hissed.
“I think we may have found it. The Gall Stone Who Lived…”
[to be continued…]