Hairy Potter And The Over-Ambitious Gall Stone

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and all names, incidents or places are fictitious. Any resemblance to any persons or characters living, dead or fictional is purely coincidental and no harm is intended to anyone through this story.
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“I stirred from my sleep at around 8 in the morning. The sun streamed through the window and made my hairy chest glow a brilliant red. I looked around my room and saw bits and pieces of pottery lying as they had been the night before – haphazard and lacking order. My flowing beard got caught in under my feet as I stepped off the bed and I couldn’t prevent my head-long fall. The ground rushed up and I hit my head on the hard red-oxide floor and I passed out.

“When I woke up a little later, I was surprised to find that the fall had driven my brain against the walls of my skull and opened up a new dimension. I was blessed with excellent bladder control. I haven’t pee’d for two week now…”

“Whoa, wait. Hold on a minute!” said the police inspector as he switched off the tape recorder. He looked skeptically at the strange man sitting in front of him – he was covered in hair from top to bottom; hair was flowing from every part of his body, and the inspector wondered if he was wearing any clothes.

“Are you telling me that your beard got caught under your feet?” asked the inspector.

“Yes, it’s true,” said the hairy man. “Please believe me!”

“It’s hard to, but I’ll let you go on, Mr – “

“Potter. Hairy Potter. So, as I was saying, I have excellent bladder control.”

“Ok,” said the inspector. “Where does the Gall Stone come into the picture?” He didn’t sound convinced.

“Ah, the Gall Stone,” said Hairy Potter, and smiled…

In the dark recesses of Hairy’s kidneys, there lived an Over-Ambitious Gall Stone. It wanted to break free from it’s confines and see the world. Unfortunately, Hairy’s bladder movements were punctual and he had an excellent bladder control. For a whole week now, the Gall Stone hadn’t been able to move. Then, it made a drastic decision – it decided to break out of prison.

Bladder control or not, the Over-Ambitious Gall Stone started digging a tunnel in the kidney in order to break free. Hairy realized that he had to go check himself in a hospital to relieve himself of the pain. The doctors decided to operate and remove the Gall Stone.

As soon as the surgeon clutched the Gall Stone in his forceps and brought it out into the open, it screamed out, “I’m Freeeee!” and jumped out and started rolling towards the door. No one could find it anywhere…

“So, I want you to arrest the surgeon for losing my Gall Stone,” said Hairy Potter.

The inspector switched off the tape recorder a second time and placed his hands on the table and leaned forward. He looked at the hairy creature in front of him.

“Sir,” he said. “Do you think I’m fucking insane?”

Hairy was flustered. “Why?”

“Get out before I arrest you for attempted manslaughter!” he said. Hairy jumped up and moved towards the door, feeling scared.

“The toilet’s on your left. Go enjoy yourself,” the inspector called out after Hairy.

After making sure that Hairy had left, the inspector dialed a number.

“Lord Wall ‘de Fart?” he asked.

“Yesss,” the voice hissed.

“I think we may have found it. The Gall Stone Who Lived…”

[to be continued…]

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

35 thoughts on “Hairy Potter And The Over-Ambitious Gall Stone

  1. rofl.. too funny dude
    So, in this one i guess the gall stone who lived will rid the world of lord wall ‘de fart, instead of hair potter….
    waiting for the next chapter…

  2. ** My flowing beard got caught in under my feet **

    Awwwww .. That is disgusting .. That is Bizarre thinking .. Only an evil mind like urs can come up with such a gross imagination .. ha ha ha ha .. But this is the sole reason we all love u and ur posts !!

    i’m eagerly waiting for the next chapter .. cant resist ..

  3. @Perx
    LOL… Yeah! The world will be liva-able again! πŸ˜€

    Awwww.. Thanks so much, dude! πŸ˜€
    Means a lot!

    Hehehe… That’s the reason why I put the disclaimer! πŸ˜€

    Hahaha! You’ll get a sequel! Don’t worrry! πŸ˜€

    LOL… πŸ˜€

    Haha!! Well, it’s a different sort of ‘love’ here… πŸ˜€

    Hehehehee!!! πŸ˜€

  4. Nikhil, this should certainly be nominated as the crazy post or something! I was looking to nominate a couple of your posts, but found you had already nominated those. I think this one too! Hairy Potter!!! Mad.

  5. Nita is right, this should be the unanimous winner for the most insane post!!!

    and man! I thought you were supposed to be in love or something??? Look, what love does to humans !!!!

  6. Wow , the asshole has been doing crazy things to your brain , no wonder u hate him πŸ˜› !! I am for “The craziest post ever” award too :D. . . .Hoping the sequel would be even more insanely crazy πŸ˜›

  7. Whacky spoof! Loved the title Hairy Potter. “Philosopher’s stone” = “Gall Stone” very nice. I guess you are planning to write a similar spoof title for every Hairy Potter part in the series πŸ™‚

  8. “My flowing beard got caught in under my feet ” hehehe completely possible…and am sure if you had a beard you can also trip on it…I can bet my money on it πŸ™‚

    And a crazy post indeed πŸ˜€

  9. ROFL!!!!
    Wall d’ fart? Hairy Potter? Gall Stone Who Lived!!!
    ROFL!!!! πŸ˜€
    Nice one!! and I thought Barry Trotter was funny!!!!

  10. Nikhil

    You are a biology student of yore. It seems all is already forgotten. Gall stone in the kidney?? πŸ™‚

    Sorry to go all ‘logic’ but then I have not read any Harry Potter so the spoof is probably beyond my comprehension anyway.

  11. @Shefalyyyyyyy U havent read HP yet??? why o why???

    @Sakhi LOL πŸ˜€ yes from the fryingpan into the fire is the condition of readers of MirrorCracked! πŸ˜›

  12. @Nita
    Hahaha! Thanks!

    Sigh, yeah! Love does strange things to one’s brain!


    Hehe! The sequel’s gonna rock, and the asshole can go kill himself!

    Oh totally!

    Hehehe! Thanks!

    Don’t worry, HP is my favorite too. But it’s also the most spoofable piece of literature in recent years!

    Hehe! There’s a specific reason for the anatomical anomaly!

    Hehe! Thank you, thank you!

    Hahaha! Thanks! The next chapter is up!

    Oh totally demented! πŸ‘Ώ

    Barry Trotter?? ROFL!!

  13. @Shefaly
    Don’t worry, you can read my spoofs of all the 7 books in a while. They’re better than the actual books! πŸ˜€

    Thanks machi! πŸ˜€

    LOL..!! πŸ˜€

    Uh, yeah! It is. Where the hell’s your funny bone? πŸ˜€

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