Ladies and gentlemen, friends, fellow bloggers, distinguished colleagues, kids, addicts and all the random people who stumbled upon this blog because of the tag ‘sex’, please join me in a moment’s silence to mourn for the death of the greatest man ever known to exist.
Some may claim he never existed but I beg to differ. He existed in all of us, we all have a part of him and he was an integral part of all of us. He came out of nowhere and stole our hearts, made us laugh until we cried and then, without a warning, left us all and joined the other martyrs.
He was an icon. He was a legend. He was the warrior that I can never be. He gave me a reason to write about him, and now, I never shall. It gives me great sorrow to announce the death of Hairy Potter.
Last time we heard about him, he was somewhere in the Andamans, trying to find meaning to his life and to all the unanswered questions that kept cropping up everywhere he went. Last night, he had an unfortunate accident while combing his hair – in a very delicate place – and inadvertently, he combed something else that wasn’t supposed to be combed.
Now, we will never know the answers to all those questions that haunt us day and night. We can never reveal the truth. Hairy was the only person strong enough to face the realities and now, he’s gone. There was some talk that this was the handiwork of the elusive Wall De Fart, but nothing can be proved. I cried the whole night. I attended his funeral this morning – it seemed the entire world had come to see him off.
Even in death, he exuded that hairy confidence that filled us all with inspiration.
Rest in peace, Hairy. We will all miss you, my friend. I envied your bladder control and now, I envy your peace. Fight on, Hairy.