Of course! It has to be true! Damn right! You need to piss people off all the time! It’s much like the song ‘Iris’ by Goo Goo Dolls, where he croons, “…yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive!” We need to irritate people around us all the time to feel alive. What’s the point of living if you don’t piss someone off? Huh? Tell me!
The scientists at the MirrorCracked Labs are quite busy these days with the grand opening just round the corner. (Oh, you have to watch the video if you haven’t already! It’s pretty neat! A lovely teaser for the MirrorCracked Labs’ grand opening!) I use the term ‘grand opening’ quite a lot, don’t I?
Sorry, I digress. As I was saying, the scientists are quite busy plotting planning the grand opening, and have relegated this particular Dummy’s Guide to me and me alone. I hope I do justice.
Pissing people off – the heart and soul of our existence. We wouldn’t be here doing what we are doing if someone a hundred thousand years ago hadn’t pissed someone off and started a war. We wouldn’t be here if someone hadn’t pissed on someone else’s joy! You wouldn’t be reading this if someone hadn’t pissed me off and made me write this. So, you have to agree with me that it’s quite important to piss people off all the time. It’s our god-given right. It’s why we were given a voice. It’s why were given the ability to ridicule and irritate and point fingers and laugh. It’s our duty!🙂
So, how do we do it? How do we achieve the perfect balance between pissing someone off and not getting slapped, shot, kicked in the nuts, stabbed in the back, kicked in the nuts, slapped, slapped, punched in the face, kicked in the nuts again or pushed off a cliff? It takes great care and patience to achieve this feat, and it’s not easy. You need to pay attention.
Pissing Men Off
Quite easy – take a dig at their manhood. Tell them they’re virgins and even if they are, they’ll vehemently deny it. Watching their face go from a normal beige to various shades of red, blue and orange is quite fun. Men are strange in this issue – I don’t know why but they always overplay their sexual exploits and this is the best way to piss a man off.
Of course, the only two other things that matter to a guy is either beer or sports. Ridicule his favorite beer and you might end up on the wrong end of a well-placed kick to the nuts. Ridicule the guy and call him a sissy for watching cricket or golf, and he’ll go stark raving mad.
I’ll let you in on a secret. If you know a guy who is straight and want to piss him off, accuse him of being gay. Oh, he’ll hate you for the rest of his life, and he’ll stay away from cosmetics and watch each of his words carefully whenever you’re around!😀
PS: I don’t want to dig my own grave in this postscript by saying something about homosexual tendencies that I’ll regret, so I’ll just construct a totally useless sentence.
Pissing Women Off
Given that sex, booze and sports are the only three things that can effectively piss a man off, you’ll find it hard to piss a woman off with these three topics. Women are usually very secure about their sexuality/sex lives and taking a dig at their alcoholic tastes will be like throwing grains of sand at a hurtling train hoping to derail it. And women and sports, well, let me not be a spoilsport, but you know how it goes. (My mom thought F1 cars were battery controlled toys and unmanned!)
So, how do we piss women off? Easy – take a dig at her age. It always works, no exceptions. Tell her, “Oh, you look so much younger in your photographs!” and she’ll hate you with a vehemence second only to a supernova.
Horizontal attacks are also effective. “You seem to have gained some weight,” “Is that an extra-large top?” and “How many months due are you?” are the three most effective way to piss a woman off about her weight. Never fails.
But I am duty bound to warn you – Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Be careful.
Go ahead! Piss someone off today! Live a little!🙂
Images Courtesy: Arnoldspeaks.com and Randommovieclub.blogspot.com
Oh m a pro at pissing ppl off.. been my forte since as far as I can remember… Although I never used any of your pointers except the gay one… and as for what all I do to piss people off… well its a closely guarded trade secret..😛
I’l let u in on it someday… hopefully….😀
@Hope
Someday… Ah, so I still have a chance! Brilliant!😀
I’ll stop sulking!😀
The ever so optimistic.. arnt we now??😛
Hey Nikhil @Pissing Women(Specially Girlfriend) Off, I know this will get me in trouble but here we go “When they ask you to talk or for advice, just tell them the truth” He he he😀
…aah it’s generaly the other way round for me…
I get pissed off pretty easily, so am an easy bait…
…and rarely I am able to piss people off, or so do I think, never had the opportunity to get feedback on questions like:
“Did I piss you off?”😉
so are you G A Y ?😆😉
“good post LOL”
Same q as Manushi🙂
whatever…
Well, how delightfully evil!!!😉 Em!!
ha ha ha
I piss of my female colleagues with “I went to shopping yesterday and you won’t believe what lovely suit I picked up at such a good bargain :-D”
Cool post🙂
ROTFL…
Piss a man off — hide the TV remote
Piss a woman off — look at other women when together
heck this could turn into a great wiki article if you get contributions on this…
why do i feel that you have gay tendencies in you🙄
sheeeesh dont meet me when ur here…! but on an afterthought i will be *safe*😉
hee hee hee…!
you wont be giving me *hugs* and *kisses*
ROTFLMAO….😀😀😀
Now who pissed you off? other than those who commented before me😉
I have used the are you gay? question to piss someone off since everything else in that category would not have worked for that particular person (he is as clueless as your mum about sports!)
Dummy’s guide after quite a while…good one🙂
Sarcasm works quite well too. If that fails you can always be sardonic😛
Or say something about what she is wearing/ hair/ make up/shoes/bag.
Works like a charm!
ok u dont get to use those things back on me.
LOL Or tell women you think actually Sanjay Dutt is right when he says women must show respect to their husbands by adopting their name/surname.
Do that and you’ll never fail … but don’t say you weren’t warned.
All those pissing off techniques meant for men??…they arent applicable to me !!! God, Im scared now !!!!!!
To piss off a woman – appreciate other women she knows😀
Interesting post. And that’s one seriously pissed off kid!
The guru returns! Thank you, guruji. Now let me go and use this gyaan!
Cheers,
Quirky Indian
Hahahah……Gud 1 4 guys….I’ve tried d gay 1….Pisses a guy n makes him so obnoxious…….Nd guess wat…….d women part…..m 2 gud @ doin dat….
@Hope
Always!🙂
@Chirag
HEhehehehe!!! You speak the truth, my friend!😀
@Chiranjib
LOL… You need to learn, dude… Go try these tips somewhere!😀
@Manushi
See? It works! I’m pissed off already!😀
@Reema
Hmmm… I have to come up with a better response to that comment!😀
@Vishesh
Grr..!! 😀
@Pi
Welcome to MirrorCracked!😀
Yeah, delightful evil is my speciality!😀
@Smita
LOL… yeah! Sales and bargains are a good alternative!😀
@Lifeofhues
Oh totally wiki-worthy this is!!😀
@Alice
Grrr…. I’m not GAY..!! You want me to prove it to you!??😉
@Apar
Hehehe!! Some jerks not worth mentioning!😀
Thanks, it’s been a while, yeah!😀
@Che
Sarcasm works only if the person gets it!😉
@La Vida Loca
Hahaha!! No, i’m not that mean as to use your advice on you! Thanks, though… I’m gonna try it!😀
@IHM
Hahahahaha!!! Thanks for the warning!😀
@Vimal
It works for everyone, dude… And yes, you have every right to be scared!😀
@Amreekandesi
LOL… Yeah!😀
@Quirky
Hehe! go forth, shishya… May the force be with you!😀
@Valerine
Took me an hour to figure out your comment!!😀
Hehe!😀
Any help on p***ing politicians off? They don’t belong to any gender and nothing seems to affect them.😦
hahaha…..
i wanna see you answer Solilo’s question….. any nyaan???
You fall under whic category??
pissing people orpeople pis u off ;-))
anyways nice experince jotted down thr😉
Funny, but far too generalized, unless I have been meeting the wrong kind of men and women all of my life!🙂
@Solilo
Hmmm… Politicians are quite easy to piss off – write slanderous articles on your blog and propagate that blog to every journalist you know!😀
@Ajit
Welcome to MirrorCracked!😀
@Chakoli
Hehehe! I am adept at pissing people off!😀
@Nita
Hehehe! Yeah, I am not too good at writing the Guide. The scientists will get in touch with you shortly and help you out!😀
Heya!!
Dying to try this out at some bloke… when did you say you are coming here????😛 hahaha!!
Brilliant Post … LOL! Very true for Men and Women. and Yes, I have never understood the game of Golf, I mean you hit the ball walk several 1000 miles and hit it again! As for Women, you can also compare with another. Hey your Mom looks like your sister, she is very young. You score the mom and you piss off the girl. You can also try pissing off by pissing on the walls like how some morons in India do it in the streets.
I’m so good at pissing people off…the one talent I seem to posess!
HI nikhil, how r you? sorry for missing ur posts. i am glad to see that the mirrorcracked labs still doing some nice surveys that benefits everybody 😉 pissing off somebody is a routine thing for me and who is that good soul pissed you off….
@Aaarti
LOL… Give me your best shot!😛
@Dinesh
Hahahaha!! Yeah!! Serious loo issues in this country!😀
@Me
Welcome to MirrorCracked!😀
And yeah, join the club!😀
@Kanagu
I’m good, dude! Welcome back!🙂
MC Labs can never die!😀
bang on abt women .. we do get pissed off if men say mean things about our age and weight !!
Hey that was so Awesome and Hilarious.
N i must say i couldn stop myself from commentin you.
You hav a gifted talent!!
What are your favoritte films?
My list is here:
TOM SHOW, THE, 1997
GARFIELD & FRIENDS #103, 1993
Courting Justice, 1995 Canadian
RIVER, THE, 1984
PAY IT FORWARD, 2000
NAKED GUN FROM THE FILES OF POLICE, 1988
SIEGE AT MALTA,
PRIZZI’S HONOR, 1985
MURDER, SHE WROTE, 1988-1989
GET CHRISTIE LOVE, 1974-1975
You may find all of it on imdb
hi if you do not like gay guy then do you make a big deal out of it ted
To piss people off simply state your opinion and wait. Be blunt and honest and well people hate that they would rather listen to fake ass people because when shit gets real people cant handle that.