Facial Hair Stereotypes :)

stereotypeNo one wants to be a stereotype. Even if we are, then we try hard to keep a low profile. Everyone hates stereotypes. Stereotypes suck. Stereotypes are perhaps, the scum of the earth. They have no business being alive because all they can do is be a stereotype. Stereotypes are often categorized as desperate individuals seeking attention, and in most cases, it’s right. Stereotypical people piss me off beyond imagination – they make my blood boil and I’d much rather ignore their existence than rant about them, but unfortunately, last night I discovered a horrible truth about myself. I’m a stereotype.

I was on my way home, riding my disgustingly rickety bike (which is going to fall apart any day now), and I rode slowly. Very slowly, waiting for the rain to pour down. Its been close to seven months without a rain in Bangalore, so when the skies became dark and overcast at 5 in the evening, and when the wind picked up, bringing with it the familiar feeling that comes before a downpour, I hurried to finish my work and rode back slowly.

The drizzle started ten minutes into the drive, and it felt so good. For once, I was looking forward to a heavy downpour. When the first drops of the cold rain fell on my skin, my thoughts went to something the bastard from the cigarette shop across the street from my office had told me: “You South Indians are all alike – you grow a beard without a mustache and before it begins to look good, you shave it off! You have no self-control when it comes to facial hair! Look at my father,” he said pointing to an old, withered creature sleeping on the sidewalk next to the cart, “He hasn’t shaved for ten years now. His beard is longer than him!”

“Hey!” I said, getting slightly offended. “I shaved my beard-without-mustache off because a special woman told me I looked better with a complete French beard. That’s why I shaved it off. Don’t stereotype me!”

“If I knew typing,” he said, “I wouldn’t be here selling cigarettes, saar.”

Futile as it were, the argument ended with him short-changing me by half a rupee. So, as I drove back, I couldn’t help but notice the men around me and in particular, the general area around their mouths. As I re-read the last sentence, I feel so horribly disgusted with myself. Most people had a french beard. Some of them had a beard but no mustache. Some were clean shaven. Some were women, whom I’d mistaken for men. Anyway, I realized that the cigarette guy was right – South Indians have absolutely no self-control when it comes to facial hair maintenance.Β  We constantly waver between worrying whether having a mustache will get in the way of kissing a beautiful woman or whether having a beard will spoil the fun of slurping sambar.

I’m such a stereotype. I’m not gonna shave for the next ten years.

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

33 thoughts on “Facial Hair Stereotypes :)

  1. “I’m not gonna shave for the next ten years”

    do post some snaps, if you do that or don’t…

  2. @Oorja
    Hehehe… I thought of posting some, but then, I think I’ve made enough of a fool of myself already! Don’t you think? πŸ˜€

  3. Hu ha ha ha
    “(which is going to fell apart any day now)”
    It should be fall apart πŸ˜›

    Stop torturing that bike with your gigantic body.

  4. My mum says heights of joblessness – changing hairstyles often for no reason. (I suppose it includes facial hair too!)
    You mistook women for men!?! Really?!?

  5. πŸ™‚ no comments about the bike..am just offended…btw how did I even miss it πŸ™‚ another one says…very much this refines look suits you cracked πŸ™‚

  6. πŸ™‚ no comments about the bike..am just offended…btw how did I even miss it another one says… :)very much this refined look suits you cracked

  7. I am not sure what you mean by a stereotype. I think I am one of those. I call it urban cliche. Funny thing is it doesn’t even bother me.

  8. @Balu
    Hehehe! I’ll try! πŸ˜€

    Hmmm.. Congrats! I made a mistake! πŸ˜›
    And the bike’s not complaining! πŸ˜€

    Your mum is probably right! πŸ˜€
    And yes, there were three very weird women! πŸ˜€

    Whoa!! Wingding font! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€
    That’s never happened before! HEhehe!

    LOL… Thanks for commenting the same thing twice! πŸ˜€

    @La Vida Loca
    Urban cliche is a very diplomatic term, isn’t it? πŸ˜€

    Welcome to MirrorCracked! πŸ˜€
    And if you think that was hilarious, then all the best going thro my blog! πŸ˜€

  9. 1. change the layout here…
    2. hahaha.. stop being so bothered about what others think and just do your own thing!!! πŸ˜€
    3. isnt it about time u gave that pooor bike a rest???!!!:)

  10. The french beard DID look good on you.. I wonder what you’ll look like in the next 10 years πŸ˜€ Do post pics..!!

  11. And its the other way round with me– I confuse most men for women. There are so many who grow their hair long and sport a pony tail, you can’t tell from their backs who it is..!!

  12. In the current age and time of long beards setting off bombs all around the place, its not a good idea to travel west ….you will surely have some “hair-raising” episodes to write about

  13. If you are not going to shave it for the next ten years, you can very well rent it to some birds which can make a nest in it.

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