The World’s Best Statement Of Purpose!

I must confess that I wrote this for a friend three years ago, after a particularly frustrating year of helping her apply for schools in the US of A. As you can imagine, she hasn’t spoken to me since.

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

“Ignorance is Bliss..”

Statement of PurposeThe above statement is true in my case. I have absolutely no knowledge or skill. I don’t even know why I am writing this. All I know is that I was forced to study right from my first grade onwards, and after 22 long years, I finished my ten-year-schooling. I’ve heard that your university is the least respected, and the one with the least academic requirements, and so, here I am, applying to you.

The drive to study life sciences was instilled in me by one of my uncles, who, during his fourth rape session with me, warned me about the dangers of HIV and AIDS. This left a huge impact on my ten-year-old mind. And all our subsequent rape sessions have been with protection, and I was always eager to know more.

If people call you a jerk ten times, does it actually mean that you’re a jerk? I don’t think so. Because I’ve been called a jerk a million times, and I still don’t think I am a jerk. The best part of accepting me in your university would be that I will not interfere with the amazing research going on there. I will stay away from all the professors and let them carry on with their great work. I particularly liked the research going on about why the cock crows only in the morning. I have a few theories about this which I would be happy to share with you, for a stipend of course. Knowledge doesn’t come free, you see.

Anyway, I am looking forward to working with you people and I hope you grant me admission. I will be invaluable to the university as a perfect scapegoat. I am great as a partner, especially for the male population in the university and they can dip their cookie in my coffee (Wink! Wink! Know what I mean??) whenever they want.

Thank you,
A poor, misinformed girl from somewhere.

Image Courtesy: Kaaledge.com

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43 thoughts on “The World’s Best Statement Of Purpose!

  1. @Scorpria
    Hehehe!! 😀

    @Harsh
    LOL… Yeah! 😀

    @Chill Pill
    LOL!! 😀 😀

    @Nautankey
    It’s not always fun, dude! 😀

    @Smitha
    Hehe! Yeah! 😀

    @Che
    Well, lemme read yorus and then we can compare 😀

    @Winnie the poohi
    Thank you thank you! 😀

    @Yuk
    “Fuk” to you too! 😛
    Er, I mean, “Yuk”

  2. Hahahahahhaah… hehehehhee.. 😀 😀
    Too good !!! 😀
    It was sooo funnyyyy.. !!!
    Rape sessions… cookie in my coffee.. 😀
    You’re the best!

  3. you sent it to schools.. that is more than one.. and still alive..

    oh yes she was technically illitrate so didn’t read the SOP.. wonder why she didn’t call you.. 😉

  4. How true….

    “…If people call you a jerk ten times, does it actually mean that you’re a jerk? I don’t think so. Because I’ve been called a jerk a million times, and I still don’t think I am a jerk….”

  5. I’m told that the cock crowing in the morning is somehow directly related to ahem ahem…erect cocks in the morning…

    i think research points out that the subsequent release of pheromones…leads the other to crow…

    but i’m sure the univ. would have managed to confirm this hypothesis by now

  6. The best part of accepting me in your university would be that I will not interfere with the amazing research going on there. I will stay away from all the professors and let them carry on with their great work.

    haha x 10^10! had me in splits!

  7. So did she get an admission finally???

    and I thought one of your points in the dummy for love (or whatever!) was to be nice and kind to girls !!! 😀

  8. no wonder she isn’t talking to u… i m not surprised! 😀
    in fact, u shud have sent it to some uni… just to see their reaction… atleast it definitely deserves points for being “different”… possibly even out of the world! 😛
    btw did she even get thru any of the universities? lol

  9. i remember reading this in college. dammit. its so old, but funny. wasnt it for “no no no no no no no no” ‘s mimcry artist. i hope u know what i mean.
    wink wink

  10. Had to comment, followed your blog after a long time… its hillarious!!…. I dont even wanna knw who it was!

  11. what i dont understand is how come everybodys failed to mention the fact that you sound like a perv 😛

  12. you know how i just reached this page? searching for tips to write an SOP 😛
    F off man.. l gotta get back to work.. good one though 😉

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