I must confess that I wrote this for a friend three years ago, after a particularly frustrating year of helping her apply for schools in the US of A. As you can imagine, she hasn’t spoken to me since.
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
“Ignorance is Bliss..”
The above statement is true in my case. I have absolutely no knowledge or skill. I don’t even know why I am writing this. All I know is that I was forced to study right from my first grade onwards, and after 22 long years, I finished my ten-year-schooling. I’ve heard that your university is the least respected, and the one with the least academic requirements, and so, here I am, applying to you.
The drive to study life sciences was instilled in me by one of my uncles, who, during his fourth rape session with me, warned me about the dangers of HIV and AIDS. This left a huge impact on my ten-year-old mind. And all our subsequent rape sessions have been with protection, and I was always eager to know more.
If people call you a jerk ten times, does it actually mean that you’re a jerk? I don’t think so. Because I’ve been called a jerk a million times, and I still don’t think I am a jerk. The best part of accepting me in your university would be that I will not interfere with the amazing research going on there. I will stay away from all the professors and let them carry on with their great work. I particularly liked the research going on about why the cock crows only in the morning. I have a few theories about this which I would be happy to share with you, for a stipend of course. Knowledge doesn’t come free, you see.
Anyway, I am looking forward to working with you people and I hope you grant me admission. I will be invaluable to the university as a perfect scapegoat. I am great as a partner, especially for the male population in the university and they can dip their cookie in my coffee (Wink! Wink! Know what I mean??) whenever they want.
A poor, misinformed girl from somewhere.
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