The Stupidity Index

Over time, we have evolved into something resembling a cross between an upright chimp and a hairy stink ball. I’m not kidding. Have you counted the number of hairs on your body lately? You’ll be astonished.

Anyway, when Charles Darwin wrote the ‘Origin Of species,’ he overlooked one major fact – The Stupidity Index. Scientists at the MirrorCracked Labs, who were tragically killed in a laboratory experiment a few months ago, were working on the concept in inborn intelligence. (This is the reason the MirrorCracked Labs’ blog has been neglected. I lost seven of the most reputed scientists in a freak accident, when they were testing the inflammatory properties of compressed natural gas.)

During the fire, all the research data was lost and the entire lab complex was gutted. While sifting through the debris, I found a half-burnt paper titled ‘The Stupidity Index,’ which explained why every single human being alive today is as stupid as a doorknob. People who don’t agree to this fact are living in denial.

Excerpts from the paper:

[…] We are all born with a Stupidity Index of 3. The scale is from 0 to 5, where 0 is the least stupid and 5 is the most stupid. The scale is explained thus:

I am at 4. What about you? Assess yourself. You’ll be surprised to know where you stand. I apologize for the quality of the image. The fire nearly destroyed this too.

PS: Please observe a moment’s silence for the tragic deaths of the scientists of the MirrorCracked Labs. And go get drunk. They’d like that.

Published by Nikhil

Nikhil Kumar lives in Bangalore with his wife and their stuffed dog. They are both advertising professionals and lead very exciting lives on the streets, dodging traffic. Their fridge is filled with cans of Diet Coke and their water heater doesn't work. He doesn't smoke (up) anymore.

31 thoughts on “The Stupidity Index

  1. I am at 2. But my GF suggests that few points from level 5 are also applicable. I don’t believe that. Level 2 is fine for me. 😀

  2. I’m at Zer’0′ 😀

    Nikhil u at 4? Than it should say..
    Wakes up each morning and asks,” Where am I?” Drinks beer and beer alternatively…etc 😛

  3. I am 0. I insist.
    Hilarious post, despite the gruesome deaths of your researchers. I am hitting the bottles so that they can RIP. (And in a while, I shall regress to about 10.)

  4. Two! 🙂

    And yes, Next time to you visit Chennai, bring me a case of Cranberry Breezers and we will celebrate their memory!

  5. rofl 😀 . . . . Just 5 ? Mirrorcracked labs clearly has no clue on the magnitude of stupidity my brain is capable off ! *********SIGHH**************

  6. At least there is one index where I am at 0.
    Hail Zeros and heros and heros that turned to zeros!!! 😉

  7. me too at 2.. 😛
    and yes i will definately try counting the numbers of hairs on my body.. heheheheh
    N condolence to your researchers.
    Cheers… Me too havin Beer Tonight!!
    May the departed researchers soul rest in Stupidity index OOPS!! peace…

  8. LOL – though it is a stupidity index..should say it is clever ;P yeah i guess..i fall under 4..for admitting ths cever??? well hmmm..perhaps..

  9. Doesn’t matter as long as it isn’t a 3. And it isn’t.

    BTW, when you said “Assess youself” – I read it as “Asses yourself” 😛


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: