Okay People! Time Out! What In God’s Name Is Happening Here!?

So, I’m sitting here on my bed, trying my best to get photoshop to work so that I can finish three websites in the next one hour, when Vishesh pings me. (Gee, it’s been a while since I’ve linked people from this blog! Yay!)

He asks me, “Any idea who The Successor is? Is it you?”

Now, this might seem like a normal question for someone who’s about to become a king or something after murdering his tyrant father who used to rule with an iron fist and a heart of crap. But for me, it sounded as strange as finding my mirror talking back to me.

I said, “What? Who?”

So, he sent me a link: http://iarrive.wordpress.com

The link looked familiar and I clicked it, and went to a blog called ‘The Successor’. I had been here before – a week ago, I think – when this Successor guy commented on my blog. He had commented one word: ‘pathetic’.

I was just out of hibernation, and I was getting accustomed to the new dashboard layout of WordPress, when this comment appeared, piqued my curiosity and made me visit that page and leave a reciprocating comment. And I promptly forgot about that incident.

Until Vishesh reminded me tonight.

Now that I think about it, Anu had pinged me something similar last week, asking me if I knew who the guy was. It was a strange deja vu for me while chatting with Vishesh. Moreover, I felt I was being cross-examined for a crime I had no clue about!

Who is this successor guy? He hasn’t visited my blog after that one time. I don’t know what’s going on and why people think it’s me! These days, I don’t have the time for breakfast, let alone blog on MirrorCracked. So, I guess writing another blog is kind of insanely impossible for me. And if you’ve been following my blog for a while now, you should know that I”m a purist and I don’t believe in letting blogs die.

Honestly, I’m NOT the successor.

Anyway, Vishesh told me that Apar and Aaarti also believe this allegation. Sigh, what do I do to convince you otherwise?

By the way, I’ve read through the guy’s blog and it sounds like he’s got too much attitude. I wonder who it is and I wonder what’s he up to. Any guesses are welcome, but it’s NOT me!

PS: Just happened to check an insane conversation thread in the comments form between Vimmuuu and Smita! Hilarious! And dude, I’m NOT him! Grrr…  😀

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The Exhaustion! Oh, The Exhaustion!

I hit the ‘Send’ button on an email I was waiting to send for two days now. I checked the clock and it said 2:34 am.

It’s been a good week-and-a-half since I’ve slept normal hours and with so much happening in my life, I was too pooped last night to think anymore. I stripped off my shirt and hit the sack, and fell asleep like a sinking stone. Meetings, calls, meetings and more calls have kept me busy for ever it seems and I woke up this morning to the pleasant thought of having no meetings lined up. I woke up at 9.30, a rare luxury these days, and knew that today was the day I get my act together and start blogging properly.

I turn on the TV, watch The Prestige for a while and open up my laptop to start writing this post. Ah, it feels so nice to have a lean day in the middle of the week.

PS: What’s crazier – eating 8 puris from a roadside guy or drinking 2 litres of Pepsi straight from the bottle with a pack of cigarettes?

Image Courtesy: Purdue.edu

You Can’t Ring & Ruin My Life!

Evil Cell PhonesRemember those days of carefree indulgence back in college or school or even the womb? You could do whatever you wished without anyone bothering you or asking you irritating questions. Life was so beautiful, with little misery to discover and a lot of fun to explore. Then, some jackass went and invented the mobile phone.

It’s bad enough to have one phone, but when you try to adhere to statistics (India has almost a 200% cell-phone penetration), you get stuck with two phones and a very short fuse. Constantly trying to please every one of the 900-odd contacts on both phones, most of whom just give you a missed call hoping you consider them important enough for you to call back, can be quite a challenge if you’re not taking anger management classes. Since my anger management involves some highly charged romantic moments with my girlfriend, whom I shall diplomatically call a bombshell, and since I can’t meet her as often as I would like to these days (due to our respective careers and not anything else), I am almost always one phone call away from losing my cool.

This morning, I had the (mis)fortune of running out of balance on my prepaid number and reach the end of the month’s grace period on my postpaid one, and at 9 in the morning, I was ‘temporarily disconnected’ from the entire world. It was such a beautiful feeling – I became nostalgic and went up on the terrace, placed both my phones in front of me and danced around in my underwear singing ‘It’s My Life’ and screaming,

“You can’t ring and ruin my life!
You can’t ring and ruin my life!
I control you, fuckers!
Tra-la-la-laaa….
You can’t ring… You can’t ruin my life…”

Just as the chorus built up a bit and I became more and more animated, one of the phones beeped. I stopped mid-sentence, “I control you fu-” and stared at the pair of life-ruiners in front of me. One of them definitely had beeped. Was I dreaming? I went closer, slowly, hesitantly, and saw that my Motorola phone was flashing “I New Message”.

How could this be? I knew for a fact that there was no balance in either of the phones. I couldn’t receive messages! This was not possible! Then, it struck me that if this phone could receive messages, then what’s stopping it from ringing! I let out a guttural scream of pain, grabbed both the phones and ran inside. When I flipped the phone open, the message was from a client of mine and it read, “Nikhil, can’t reach you. Please call.”

I felt like a piece of shit as I stood in line, trying to recharge both the phones, a few hours later.

Image Courtesy: Slate.com

The Road To Havana?

It’s been quite a busy day so far, and I’ve been in and out of meetings so much that I crave for a bit of peace and solitude. No, I don’t watch porn.

Funny thing happened on my way back and made me wonder about my ineptitude when it comes to being politically correct. Fresh out of a very fruitful meeting, I hailed an auto in the middle of a busy thoroughfare and sat in, thankful that I didn’t have to wait for more than I did. Then, as I was about to tell the driver where to go, I noticed that he was a midget.

I am not kidding. He was 4 feet tall, maybe a bit taller, and he came up to my chest, maybe a bit lower. His head reminded me of the shrunken heads of the Arumbaya tribe – it was so tiny that my bunched-up fist was bigger. I think the funniest thing was that he was wearing a cap on top of the head, which made me think of a flagpole, for some reason.

Without thinking, I asked him why his head was so small, to which he asked, with some dignity, why my mouth was so big. I guess I needed that rebuttal. I kept my mouth shut all the way and paid him an extra ten bucks, which he accepted without gratitude.

Time to crack open a cold beer and dream of the days when I’ll have my own car and a box of Havana cigars at my disposal.

Four Months Later :)

Not to steal any copyrighted material from Jamie Uys, but I really feel that The One Above must be totally and utterly out of his goddamn mind. What a way to start a post after abandoning my blog for nearly 4 months. Come to think of it, it’s almost exactly 4 months – I’m three days short. Damn, I’ve missed this!

Where do I begin? Okay, here’s the deal. I’ll bear all and you have to promise me that you’ll consider me nothing short of a raving lunatic who’s lost his mind. Deal? Great! Here goes!

I moved from Bangalore to Delhi in April. Yeah, I’ve written about that. I worked for a PR agency in Delhi for exactly a month and a half, after which, I jumped full-time into something called Darkwater Digital. It’s a company I started some time ago, doing social media marketing and online public relations. So, entrepreneurship took up quite a bit of my time, and between beer, work and the sexy woman in my life, I had time for little else.

I’ve been traveling quite a bit and came to Pune, Mumbai, Bangalore and Chennai in the past few months, met quite a few people and got an unbelievable number of lectures on starting my blog again. I think what finally pushed me over the edge and made me write is the fact that I passed a breathalyzer test on the roads of Bangalore, while driving a car at 2 in the morning after 4 hours of drinking beer and whiskey. That was when I decided that God must be truly stupid.

Incidents like these are so rare that I can’t help but write about them. Forcing me to come out of retirement wasn’t a good thing. I won’t concentrate much on anything else in life right now. Maybe that’s a good thing. Let’s see how and where I go from here.

To all the faithful few who have been visiting my blog regularly, I think a round of beer is in order. Don’t hesitate to ask.

Jesus Christ! It feels so good to be back and in action again!