The year 2030:
Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your mother? No? Well, sit down, shut up and listen to this story. No, you can’t go to pee now. This story’s important. Listen up.
The year 2010:
There I was, sitting in the small, cubbyhole office of a PR agency, trying to be something I’m not, and all of a sudden, a wave of sleepiness took over me. I don’t think it was the heavy breakfast or the fact that I had slept for just a few hours last night, but I think it was a realization that I am 26 years old and I don’t have any discernible achievements to talk about. True, I had written a couple of books, and true, I had done a bit of traveling and dabbled with a lot of careers, but I was 26, single and stranded without any life goals to be proud of.
Monday, the 28th of June was an eye-opener for me.
She walked into my life with a sweet little smile and a lot of hope. I walked into hers with an upset tummy and lack of sleep. We clicked instantly. It was a day I can never forget.
Not that I think about it, I’m sure it was the heavy breakfast, because as she walked into the room with a handful of papers for me sign, I burped loudly and caused her to shriek and throw me a look that said, “Ugh! Disgusting.” She followed up that look with the words, “Ugh! Disgusting!”
I apologized and got down to talking to her about the day’s work. I told her what needed to be done and I told her that I’d be leaving the organization soon. She looked shocked. Maybe at the ease with which I slipped that last news in.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t leave! What will happen to the bloody company??” she demanded.
I shrugged and said, “I’m sure you’ll manage better than I can. All the best.”
After twenty minutes of anger, pleading and threats, she realized she couldn’t convince me not to quit. So, she turned on her charm and said, “But who will I flirt with?” and battled her eyelids in a seductive fashion and thrust her chest at me slowly.
No kids, I’m not saying your mom was a slut. No, she was very sexy, and at that moment, I almost regretted my decision to quit. But sanity prevailed, and I did quit after a week. I started missing her seductive charms soon after, and about 67 days later, I got over her completely. I don’t quite know what happened to your mother after that.
The year 2030:
Until today, kids. I ran into your mother at the supermarket and she invited me over to lunch. I saw your dad too, but he was busy flirting with some hot cheerleader at the bean-counter, so your mom and I decided to let him have his fun and came here. Have you met my wife? No? Well, she’ll join us soon. She out there parking the car.
Nice story, huh? Oh, I could tell this story over and over, with twists and turns for 5 years. Okay, now you can go pee.