Drenched!

I love getting drenched in rain, when I’m on the terrace with minimal clothing and loads of time. But not while driving. This week has been terrible so far, and I’ve been getting drenched almost every single day either while coming to work in the morning or going home late at night.

The worst part of getting drenched while driving is those irritating little pockets of water that accumulate in my underwear, making me squirm. I think I’ve told this before, though I’m not sure. A genetic disability has forced me to wear glasses and a lack of common sense has forced me to use a helmet whose loose visor is completely scratched. When its raining, I can’t keep the visor up because it keeps slipping shut, and if I keep it shut, I can’t see anything in front of me, and if it’s open even for a few seconds, my glasses get drenched and fog up and I can’t see anything in front of me! 😀

I sometimes resort to a few stone-age tactics like a piece of rubberband holding the visor up or a piece of paper to keep it in place, half-open, but all these tactics fail miserably when it rains. Once the rubberband snapped and flew off into the crowd and I didn’t dare look back when someone screamed in pain and anger. 😀

Today, my run of misfortunes took a completely new turn, and I am sure I could hear God clutching his belly and laughing hard at me. I had to go to the ATM to draw some money at around 11 in the morning, and it had just stopped raining. It had been a pretty heavy downpour and as soon as it stopped and the sun peeped out, I took out my bike and rode down the road to the ATM. It’s a three-minute drive from my office to the ATM, and I reached there, stood in line behind a woman carrying a wailing baby and in front of a belching, obese guy. When it was my turn to use the machine, I thanked God for small favors and completed my transaction.

As I came out and started the bike, the sky immediately became overcast and as soon as I had moved three feet, the skies opened up and the rain came down in all its fury, drenching me completely. I drove as fast as I could and reached the office three minutes later, dripping wet and as soon as I parked my bike, the rain stopped as suddenly as it had started.

I look up at the sky at times like these and ask God, “Why me?” 😀

Image Courtesy: Cartoonstock.com

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Spam!

We all are sick of getting spammed daily! My spam folder can be used as a stopwatch, it’s that quick! Offers of car loans, work-from-home emails, I’ll-buy-your-house emails and phony credit card are the usual suspects! I don’t really browse through all the junk in my spam, but occasionally, something comes up that is too hilarious to pass up on. Here’s one such similar spam I received just minutes ago:

Poolside Toilet!

Grab your own private poolside Envirolet – keeps your home dry; no plumbing required! Natural compost filters to block out the bad smell. Get yours now! Call me xxx-xxxx…!

First of al, I don’t have a pool. And secondly, what kind of a name is Envirolet!?? 😀

The Online Predator…

I have a profile on Orkut, MySpace and Facebook, though I hardly use the latter two at all. Social networking is a good thing, from my point of view, and I’ve found some real nice friends through them. Recently, I read a blog on wordpress (I won’t mention the name because I’m going to slander the author now!) and I was impressed by the thoughts expressed by her. Her language was simple and her articles were quite good. And to my surprise, I found a link to her profile on Orkut on her blog. I was intrigued. People aren’t normally this open about themselves on a blog. (I found another blog where the author had put up his phone number on the blog, but I’ll comment on one stupidity at a time!)

So, I visited her profile on Orkut and sent her a friend request with a message saying that I liked her blog, and didn’t think of it again. I send out friend requests all the time and I don’t bother to see if they’ve been accepted or not. And I generally am very picky about whom I add as friends.

Two days later, I got an email from this girl and I was quite literally, shocked. Here’s what she said, verbatim:

“you’re the one who wanted to add me right? how do you know me? i’m sorry but i’m not on orkut to make friends, especially with someone much older than i’m. i would prefer if you didn’t visit my wordpress and if you continued don’t tell me. honestly, i may seem like the rudest person right now. but i have gone
through way too much on orkut and i people like yourself make me even more weary of online predators. to add to all of this, in the new age of technology and shit, many of you are taking advantage of online social sites and befriending people you don’t know. stop giving our race a bad name and keep to yourself. tell everyone else, share some wisdom. “

There were a million different replies going through my mind at this point and not all of them were polite. She didn’t want to make friends with someone much older than herself, apparently! Last time I checked, I was barely able to feed myself and was making gaga-googoo sounds from my crib. When did I become “old”?? And the fact that she used the phrase “technology and shit” told me volumes about her knowledge of something called a computer.

She called me an Online Predator! I’d like to think that as a new height I’ve scaled in the past few years. She wanted me to share the “wisdom” of her message to “people like myself,” stalking the internet for young girls to harass. Give me a break, lady! I so badly wanted to say, “If you want our race to improve, then you should shut that trap of yours soon because you’re a prime candidate for population control!”

So, I drafted a reply as decently as I could manage and sent it to her and blocked her from my profile. Here’s what I wrote, verbatim:

“Wisdom comes in many forms, one of which happens to be a grave insecurity about oneself. People start blogs and social network profiles for a reasons – true, many a time, the intention may not be pure, but most of the time, its to address their insecurities. I have been called many names before, but an online predator, hmmm, thats a first. I would greatly appreciate you not voicing a generalized opinion about people without knowing them at all. I guess a true blogger would not have responded in the way you did, but then, its not my place to judge you. From your response, I can make out that you’re socially challenged. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you ought to visit the mall often; I’ve heard they’re giving lives away cheap. Don’t bother replying back. Have a great, online-predator-free life ahead… Goodbye 🙂 ”

Get a life, woman! People aren’t all bad and not everyone out to make fun of you and harass you and get in your pants! Jeez!

Another small bit of unfriendly advice to this paranoid girl: Don’t even try to wage a battle of words with me; the only thing that’s bigger than my ego is my vocabulary! 😀

The Status Message Generation…

Of late, I’ve been seeing a trend of increasing awareness to the Gtalk status messages among my friends. From lovely, soothing messages like, “Love is not about who you can live with; it’s about who you can’t live without…” and “dance, dance, dance…” to outright corny ones like, “Life sucks, which makes us all pornstars!” and “I still love nature despite what it did to me!”

The fact that people aren’t satisfied by being just “Available” and “Busy” tells us something about the kind of world we live in and the kind of peer pressure we are facing from all sides.

Actually, it doesn’t. I’m just trying to draw some rationality into the argument, and I can see that I’ve done a bad job of it so far. I’ve fretted over my status messages for hours at a time, to make sure that whoever sees me online on gtalk can read my message and be impressed. It’s such a pity that Freud is dead – he’d have drawn some inference of family trauma for this phenomenon!