The Attic In Your Inbox

Have you ever wondered what kind of a person you were ten-fifteen years ago? How you’ve evolved over the years? I’m sure you have. Yesterday was a sort of a blast from the past for me. I managed to access my very first email inbox on Yahoo! Mail – something that I had created way back in 1999. And when I went through some of the mails I’d written and exchanged with old friends (some of whom are no longer in touch) it made me feel stupid, excited and happy. Stupid because of the ridiculous nature of my writing, completely ignoring the basic rules of grammar, spelling, punctuation and propriety.

Yahoo Mail
Part of an email conversation I’d had with a friend, on whom I had a tiny, little crush 🙂

But, on the other hand, I was happy and excited to access my old inbox because it proved to be a veritable attic of forgotten treasures. I found a few old love letters that I’d written to my very first girlfriend. I found old photos of classmates, girlfriends, forgotten friends, forgotten moments and events that have had an impact on who I am today. I spent a lot of time digging through this inbox, trying to remember exactly what the conversations were about, who the people were, what my state of mind was, and there was no satiating my nostalgic indulgence.

I came across an email fight I had with a friend of mine over something that seems so trivial now but was perhaps the straw that broke our friendship back then. I came across old emails where I was making plans with a few close friends to meet up a certain pub for a few beers. Oh, those were weird times. I sent some of these photos to a friend of mine with whom I’m not in touch very much, hoping to rekindle some contact. I told him how weird we were back then. He thanked me for the trip down memory lane and responded by saying, “I think we’re still weird, but we’ve managed to embrace that reality.”

Reunion
Photograph of a class reunion that I found in my Yahoo! Attic

I think we should all stop running for a few seconds and look back on the path we’ve taken to get where we are. It’s just astounding how quickly time flies and we hardly recognize ourselves from back when we were younger. I read these old emails now and I am filled with an immeasurable curiosity to know more about myself – more precisely, to know what people thought of me back then. I look at my old photographs and I can hardly believe that I looked like that, wrote that way, spoke that way, used those phrases, and yet managed to have a normal life and turn out the way I did.

Last night, Mansi and I were at my parents’ house for dinner. One thing led to another and pretty soon my Mum decided that my wife need to see my kiddie photographs. So, out came the huge albums and the report cards from my kindergarten and school days. I looked at my photographs as a kid – the moments when I was with cousins, aunts, forgotten relatives, and I am a bit sad that I don’t remember much of it. These few memories that have been frozen in time are all that remain of my past. I wish I could remember it.

Go check out your very first email inbox and you’ll be thankful for the blast from the past. 🙂

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Do Your Part. Don’t Vote!

Ever wonder what it would be like to live in a Dystopian world without rules and regulations and people in power ruthlessly expanding themselves at the cost of the general population? Here’s what you don’t see on BBC World News and CNN International News:

The people of the state of Karnataka are currently standing around their TV sets scratching their heads and wondering how they became a part of a zombie movie. The local and national news channels didn’t have anything more interesting, entertaining or bloody than the crisis worsening in this state. And they didn’t have to, because one look at the mindless murk that we call politicians and their actions today in Parliament and we know that our chances of survival are much better in Raccoon City, without Alice. (Ref: Resident Evil)

Twenty to thirty MLAs bursting into a secure Parliament house, assaulting the cops, ripping their clothes off and trying to get past a barricade behind which hapless, unarmed cops are trying their lousy best to get out of the way of clawing arms, well-aimed spit and breaking glass – this was the scene that we woke up to this morning. And to think that we elected these clowns into office makes me wonder about the shortcomings of the democratic process.

India has quite a lot of issues to address at this point of time without the added ridiculousness of farmer-turned-politicians (who flunked 8th grade) acting like they deserve an award just for their existence. We have a crisis going on at the Commonwealth Games being held in the nation’s capital, where the very image of the country is being put to the acid test. Surely enough, behind all the muck over there, criminal politicians played the fiddle and made money for themselves. Geographically, the country is in a violent fight against itself to hold on to Jammu & Kashmir, where bloodshed has, unfortunately, become a part of a normal lifestyle. Power crises in almost 90% of the country’s length and breadth coupled with water and food shortages paint a very bleak picture for ‘India Shining’.

The word ‘Corruption’ is thrown around a lot in the media these days – this guy’s corrupt, that woman’s corrupt, the whole bloody parliament is corrupt. But what we fail to realize is that this apparent corruption is just an extension of basic Indian nature. Not human nature – Indian nature. We are a race of people who would do anything for money and fame. I’m sure there will be do-gooders who come out and make advertisements and write articles about how we are not a nation of thieves and how we can behave better and how we can avoid bribes, but in the end, everyone does it. There’s no point in feeling offended at this observation, because if you do, then you and the high horse you rode in on can go to hell. This is the sad truth.

So, let’s stop trying to change who we are and start trying to live with that realization. Let’s do our part in trying to screw our country over. I don’t have to be a member of parliament to do it – isn’t that one of the great things about democracy? Power of the people? Let’s do it, then.

Don’t vote. Ever. It’ll be fun to watch ourselves burn.

If ever a politician reads this post, then do me a favor. No, do yourself a favor and kill yourself.

 

Three Aspirins And A Headache

Three aspirins, fourteen hours of sleep in the past twenty-four, five gallons of water and sixteen rounds of bladder relief and I still have a headache. There are so many things running in my head that it feels like its going to explode any moment. No, its not pathological. I checked. I’m half a doctor.

There are some people in life whom you can’t ignore. And there are some who just won’t get ignored. There are also some very special people who just piss you off beyond imagination, but I’ll rant about assholes later. But, very rarely, once in a lifetime actually, you come across certain people who you can’t let go. No matter what, you have to try like hell to hold on to them and never let them go. Ups and downs, times and distances, mistakes and obligations, regrets and disappointments, pasts and presents – all aside, these people have a right to be a part of your life in a way so tangible it’ll choke you. Er, in a good way.

So yeah, I have been doing a lot of soul-searching and I’ve been at my wit’s end trying to figure out where I go in life from now on. Being stuck in a limbo is not a good feeling. Decisions have to be made, conclusions have to be reached, promises have to be kept up and no hearts should be broken. It’s like balancing a precious gem and a cucumber – one in each hand while walking a tightrope with no safety net. I really don’t know where that analogy came from or what that means, but you have to throw one away to regain the balance.

Some headaches are bad. Some are good. But I guess one that lasts seventeen hours is therapeutic.

Twenty Seven In A Month

Its a horrendous feeling. I’m twenty-seven in a month. 25 wasn’t so bad, I still felt I was a kid. 26 was bearable. But 27 sounds geriatric. I feel I’m aching all over. I feel the incessant need to play soft music and watch golf. I feel I’m hurtling towards my grave and on some days I feel I have one foot in it already.

I thought I’d make a list of all the things I need to do in the next three years, because when I reach thirty, I would want my life to mean something. I would want to stop being 22 in my head. At least by then.

  1. I want to take a vacation for three months and travel the country. Leave all materialistic desires behind, take a small clutch of bare essentials, my laptop and some cigarettes and go visit all the places I ever wanted to see. And I want it to be completely unplanned. No schedules to follow, no time tables, no mad rush to make the plane or the train or the bus in time. Live those three months in a state of next-available-transport.
  2. I want to write a lot. I want to spend a good amount of time writing down my thoughts, and all the stories in my head and all the obligations I need to fulfill – for myself and for others.
  3. I want to grow up, in my head. I want to stand in front of a mirror and be able to look into it and see a responsible adult than a retarded kid.
  4. I want to be able to go to and sit on my rock again, in my own personal haven, and look out at the sea and be at peace.
  5. I want to wake up on my 30th birthday and feel glad about it, rather than depressed.
  6. I want to make at least ten million by then and retire on my thirty-first birthday.
  7. I want to be able to make a more solid list of things, something much more tangible, by that time.

17 July

“Step one,” you say, “we need to talk.”
He walks but you say, “Sit down, it’s just a talk…”
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
‘Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you…

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Oh, Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Four Months Later :)

Not to steal any copyrighted material from Jamie Uys, but I really feel that The One Above must be totally and utterly out of his goddamn mind. What a way to start a post after abandoning my blog for nearly 4 months. Come to think of it, it’s almost exactly 4 months – I’m three days short. Damn, I’ve missed this!

Where do I begin? Okay, here’s the deal. I’ll bear all and you have to promise me that you’ll consider me nothing short of a raving lunatic who’s lost his mind. Deal? Great! Here goes!

I moved from Bangalore to Delhi in April. Yeah, I’ve written about that. I worked for a PR agency in Delhi for exactly a month and a half, after which, I jumped full-time into something called Darkwater Digital. It’s a company I started some time ago, doing social media marketing and online public relations. So, entrepreneurship took up quite a bit of my time, and between beer, work and the sexy woman in my life, I had time for little else.

I’ve been traveling quite a bit and came to Pune, Mumbai, Bangalore and Chennai in the past few months, met quite a few people and got an unbelievable number of lectures on starting my blog again. I think what finally pushed me over the edge and made me write is the fact that I passed a breathalyzer test on the roads of Bangalore, while driving a car at 2 in the morning after 4 hours of drinking beer and whiskey. That was when I decided that God must be truly stupid.

Incidents like these are so rare that I can’t help but write about them. Forcing me to come out of retirement wasn’t a good thing. I won’t concentrate much on anything else in life right now. Maybe that’s a good thing. Let’s see how and where I go from here.

To all the faithful few who have been visiting my blog regularly, I think a round of beer is in order. Don’t hesitate to ask.

Jesus Christ! It feels so good to be back and in action again!

Riddle Me Silly!

Long weekends have a tendency to make sure that we are well and truly bored. Thankfully, I’ve had my share of traveling this month, and am back home. Phew, I’m so tired! There were three riddles I came across while doing some mindless browsing. In case you have nothing better to do on a long weekend, then you might as well try to solve these. Trust me, they’re not your run-of-the-mill riddles. These are known to be unsolvable.

1.

I am all and I am nothing
I am light and I am dark
Man and Woman
Sun and Moon
Mortal and not so
Young and Old
Time has no effect on me, yet it has more effect then meets the eye
I am everywhere and no where
Angel and Demon
Destroyer and Savior
One cant be one without the other
Yin and Yan
All elements and not a single one…

Can you guess what I am?

2.

Although broken, it shall always exist and surround us,
Don’t like to be confined in them and they shall outlive us all.

What are “they”?

If you hit upon the answers, then please let me know! 🙂

PS: Thanks for all the concerned comments for my previous post.  I was stuck in a terrible situation, but finally managed to survive thanks to the concept of centralized banking! 😀