When “Fat” Doesn’t Quite Say it…

Some people are just not meant to do hard labor. Physical exertions are a phobia for these “creatures of comfort”. And I’m proud to be one of them. I hate going to the gym everyday. I hate the fact that I’ve got to lose all the nice padding I’ve accumulated over the past 22 years. I feel sorry for those adipose tissues, insulating me in this cold.

Memories of my grandmother feeding me healthy (and fat) tomato juice and ice creams and chocolates almost makes it illegal for me to burn the calories. I like the way I am – I am a healthy specimen of slightly overweight people. So what if I can’t run three miles? I can drive ten without breaking a sweat and I can cure cancer. So what if I can’t climb up a steep staircase without breathing hard? I can fly (under certain conditions, if you know what I mean!).

Vatson and the gang are hell-bent on making me sweat it out in the gym everyday. I’ve devised a great plan for avoiding this. I’m going to fake a heart condition so that they’ll leave me and  my fatty acids alone. I hope this works.

For gym-haters all over the world, take my advice. Fake a heart condition. Stay home and eat burritos. Drink coke. They say life’s short – so why ruin it? 😉

2008: The Final Odessey

Sir Arthur C Clarke passed away today in a hospital in Colombo, Sri Lanka, after a long suffering illness. He was wheelchair-bound for most of his last years and was ninety years old when he died.

My favorite author, he was the man whose books opened my mind to the heavens and the secrets they hold; the man who shaped the face of science fiction forever. Maybe now, he can see all that he had dreamt of, first-hand. Time cannot constrain him any longer.

May his soul rest in peace.

Here’s a link to the CNN article about Sir Arthur C Clarke’s demise.

The French Paradox…

The French Paradox is quite a strange phenomenon. We know that alcohol consumption makes us vulnerable to heart diseases. And we also know that French people consume the most alcohol than anyone else in the world. But the math doesn’t quite add up. They have the least incidence of heart disease than any other country. What makes these people so tolerant? Do they have hearts of stone? No, because they’re also the best lovers in the world! Just because their ancestors were gladiators doesn’t make them more human than you or me.

Or does it?

I read an article in Forbes recently which came as quite a welcome change to me. It solved the French Paradox convincingly. I’ve been advised by people close to me to stop chugging down beers at an alarming rate. Now I can wave this article in their faces.

Research showed that (and I quote!), “regular, moderate beer intake – one to two 12 ounce glasses per day for men and one for women – can be good for you, especially if you’re facing some of the most common diseases related to aging.”

So, what are you waiting for? That beer isn’t going to drink itself! Cheers! And a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

(Pardon my French)

The Status Message Generation…

Of late, I’ve been seeing a trend of increasing awareness to the Gtalk status messages among my friends. From lovely, soothing messages like, “Love is not about who you can live with; it’s about who you can’t live without…” and “dance, dance, dance…” to outright corny ones like, “Life sucks, which makes us all pornstars!” and “I still love nature despite what it did to me!”

The fact that people aren’t satisfied by being just “Available” and “Busy” tells us something about the kind of world we live in and the kind of peer pressure we are facing from all sides.

Actually, it doesn’t. I’m just trying to draw some rationality into the argument, and I can see that I’ve done a bad job of it so far. I’ve fretted over my status messages for hours at a time, to make sure that whoever sees me online on gtalk can read my message and be impressed. It’s such a pity that Freud is dead – he’d have drawn some inference of family trauma for this phenomenon!

Roam Shanti, Roam!

SPOILER WARNING: For folks who haven’t seen the movie Om Shanti Om, I am constitutionally required to warn you that this article contains a plot spoiler. But, as I am a decent human being, I admire your restraint. You’re not missing anything by not watching the movie. Read on.

“He was a junior artiste. She was a star. For some dreams, one lifetime is not enough…”

The tag line of the movie should’ve been a clue. I missed it. And I’m still regretting it. I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy it. Farah Khan has done a good job of “re-introducing” Shah Rukh Khan into Bollywood stardom, if you know what I mean. I haven’t seen a Hindi movie for a very long time. My last one was Guru, which I saw with Shuz back in B’lore. But before that, it had been a hiatus of almost three years. I am a bit naïve when it comes to the nuances of the language, and my best Hindi has been: “Bhaiyya, aapka sabse bada chaddi dhikao!” (Brother, show me your biggest shorts!)

You get the picture, right? (No puns intended!!)

 Om Shanti Om was a bit of a shock to me initially. I took a really long time to grasp the flow of the story, and Vatson and the others were too busy laughing their asses off at the antics of SRK on the screen. The storyline was a bit too strange for my liking. Rebirth and revenge may have been a great theme back in the “Mona Darling” days of Bollywood, but now?? Well, to be fair, Farah Khan deserves a good applause for doing a decent job of it.

To my dismay, I completely lost the story when Shah Rukh Khan came back from the dead. I was half expecting him to be a zombie of some sort, and hoping against hope that Bollywood had finally  entered the Zombie Movie Era. It was not to be.  The movie had to be stopped at every song and explained to me by the others, who were, at one point, read to throw me out into the cold.

In the scene where SRK is going around in the dark, burnt-down theater, searching for the bad guy, the sound of a flushing toilet or a smiley face etched on the wall, or better still, the original SRK, who’d have died there popping out of the ground like a ghost would have been so cool!!!

Which brings me to my biggest question: If Deepika Paadukone can come back as a ghost in the end, why couldn’t SRK??? I’m confused!

So, the spirit of Shanti roams around in the dark theater for almost thirty years, waiting for the off chance that SRK can be reborn and drag the bad guy there to exact their revenge, and trust Farah Khan to be there at the right time to capture the event and make a decent yet soporific movie out of it.

Roam Shanti, Roam!  The world is your oyster. Don’t forget to put the seat down once you flush.

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