Free Cat

Lately, I’ve been at a loss for words. There have been too many things happening in my life and I’ve not had the time to keep up on MirrorCracked. I’m sure you understand, when someone is so busy being lazy, he/she has little time for anything else.

So, until I find the time, motivation and patience to write a longer, more meaningful post on MirrorCracked, here’s a picture of a cat.

Cat Spine

Advertisements

Really? You Sure?

“Man, your posts are boring nowadays…”

“They have lost the quality…”

“Who are you and what have you done with Nikhil?”

“Makes me wonder why I’m reading it after 2 lines…”

“Your blog has become so boring, dude!”

“You have lost that touch…”

“Why aren’t you writing like how you did before?”

“You are not being yourself but working to the formula…”

“I almost hate MirrorCracked now…”

=====================================================

feedbackThese, and a plethora of other feedback have made me sit up and take notice. I look at myself in the mirror, searching for the cracks that were once so obvious, and fantasize in my head about them still being there. I wonder to myself what went wrong along the way. Maybe things went way off the mark and somewhere in the process, I focused more on being more than myself. Come to think of it, this may be the case.

Generally, negative feedback makes a person more focused on where they are headed in their venture. It forces them to re-look their act and make adequate changes to please everyone. More often than not, negative feedback makes people take a break, rethink their strategy and come back strongly with a fresh outlook on everything.

When it comes to blogs and bloggers, most negative feedback is meant to be a cause for improvement. I’ve known bloggers who’ve changed their complete profile of writing styles because of feedback. It helps some, it irks some. That’s life, I guess. After all, we all look in the mirror, hoping to see the tiny cracks that make us who we are, and panic when we don’t find them. For all those who’ve given me feedback, whether good or bad, I am indebted. Thanks for taking time off your life to show me where I’m slacking and where I need to improve.

Unfortunately, I’m a stubborn mule. I think MirrorCracked is a space where people can have a laugh, with me and at me, and I don’t see a reason to change. I will not change the way I write and I cannot promise whether my next post will be as uninteresting as this one, or as brilliant as something I wrote a long time ago. I write mainly because I feel obligated to share the details of my weirdly exciting life, and if, on some days, my life’s bland, then it’s not my fault, is it? Maybe it is… I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t care, as long as I’m happy in whatever direction I’m headed.

I repeat – I do not mean any offense to any one who gave me feedback. I am deeply indebted to you. It’s just that giving feedback to me is like throwing water balloons at a wall, hoping to make it topple. Sad, I know, but true.

I started this blog with two things in mind:

  1. Make sure that every person – man, woman, child, animal and jerk – who visits this space gets a good laugh or even a smile.
  2. Write scathing posts about the assholes of the world and show them just how much of a burden they are to this over-populated planet.

So far, in my posts, I’ve succeeded in both. Wouldn’t you agree? πŸ˜€

Quod Erat Demonstrandum!

The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging

So you think you know how to blog, do you? Well, if you do, then good for you! Sometimes, the ability to delude ourselves is an important survival tool. For all those unfortunate netizens who sit and stare with open mouths at blogs and wonder how it’s done and for all those fortunate ones, who think they know how to blog, here’s a must-have quick reference – The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging! It’s about bloody time someone taught us how to blog!

Rule 1: Eat

Before you even think of the word ‘blog,’ eat well. I suggest a couple of bowls of chicken soup as well. There is a scientific reason behind this and I don’t want to go into the details. It has something to do with the ability to stifle a yawn.

Just take my advice – eat heartily and then sit in front of the computer and open the blog engine homepage.

Rule 2: Logging in

You can use your own username and password or you could steal someone else’s. It actually doesn’t matter as long as you get in. There’s a button usually present next to the password field that says “Enter” or “Submit” or “Log in” or, sometimes, very rarely, “Spank me.” Click that button. Congrats, you’ve just logged in.

Rule 3: Do A Tag

You’ll never be recognized as a blogger if you write shit and don’t do tags. Very few people know this, but the word “Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.”Β  The reasoning behind this would probably be the increasing amount of personal information that is being shared in each and every tag. (Oh, you wouldn’t believe it, but I once did a tag in which I asked a beautiful woman to marry me. But that’s just me. Different people reveal different things.)

So, beg, borrow or steal a meme, and do the tag. You’ll be certified as a blogger.

Rule 4: Etiquette

Just two words: No Nudity!

Whatever you write, whatever you comment, whatever photographs you upload and display, please make sure that your nude photographs and descriptions are not among them. No one wants to know. No one cares.

Rule 5: Comment Policy

One of the main aspects of blogging is to build good relationships with fellow bloggers. This can be achieved by visiting their site and leaving a scar comment on their article. This will force them to return the favor and voila! You’ve got a rudimentary blogroll! Now, don’t repeat that again. A good blogger never replies to comments or retaliates. A good blogger is always too drunk to do these things.

Rule 6: Logging out

Finally, after everything is said and done, you may search your page for a “Log Out” button. This button is also, very rarely, called “Spank me again.”

Go ahead. Blog! Show the world what you’ve got!

Let me rephrase that – Show the world how creative you can be! We don’t want to break Rule 4, do we?

20,000 hits in 5 months! :)

Yay! Time to celebrate!

I would like to thank each and every one of you who have read my blog, commented and made this wonderful thing possible! Crossing 20,000 hits in the fifth month of this blog’s conception is just too good to be true. I almost want to celebrate now, rip my shirt off, whirl it in the air and cry, “Yippee!” out loud, but the fear of crossing the line of decency and losing my job. πŸ˜€

Thank you all for making me smile on a mundane Monday morning! πŸ˜€

Cheers to all!

10,000 hits in 4 months! :)

I started this blog in March 2008, after living up to one of my new-year resolutions to weed out all my other blogs (some of which were more than 2 years old) and to start writing afresh, here at MirrorCracked. In the four months since then, this blog has seen more than 10,000 hits, crossing the milestone yesterday around noon. I have a big smile on my face now and I want to thank each and every Reader. I am sponsoring unlimited food and drink to you all. Time and venue, we’ll decide based on your convenience and the depth of my wallet. πŸ˜€ So, let me know when you guys would be free to burn my money! Three Cheers for All of You!! πŸ˜€

I will do a couple of tags here, the first of which I borrowed from Rekha. As soon as a blog reaches 10,000 hits, we’re supposed to publish our very first post again. So, here it is! The post, dated March 16, 2008, written in NYC:

I started this blog with the intention of being naughty. I’m bored as hell with nothing to do and I thought if I could write some unimportant stuff here, I can vent my boredom. I’m from a quaint little city called Bangalore, south of a quaint country called India, which happens to be the best place in the whole wide universe. There are wide open skies, clear air, good people, ambient temperatures and half the world’s population and three-quarters of the vehicles of the world. There’s no paranoia, no racism, no street brawls and no such thing as an indecent exposure. I love it there!

I’ve had a lot of blogs in my time, and I’ve found it hard to settle down to one. Principally, its because of my diversified interests in everything benign. Does that make sense?

Vatson has already commented on this post, I see. Well, what can I say? People recognize quality!

So, this brings me back to my original question: Yaake? (It means β€œWhy?” in my language), and I answer it: Summne (”No reason”).

The second tag I’m going to do is one I borrowed from Shefaly. She had tagged me with a branding meme a long time ago, and since I still haven’t found the time to complete it, I’m doing the other interesting one, so as not to disappoint her! πŸ™‚

Here goes:

I am: a bit confused.
I think: I am losing my mind here!
I know: that I am God’s biggest mistake!
I want: to go home and sleep for 48 hours!
I have: been thinking something… Hmmm…
I wish: for more wishes! πŸ˜€
I hate: a few people in my life, but can’t really help it! πŸ˜€
I miss: being in love! πŸ˜€
I fear: slimy insects!
I feel: the urge to scream out loud…
I hear: deafening silence!
I smell: coffee in the office pantry, where I’m heading after posting this! πŸ˜€
I crave: for banana pancakes and honey! Slurp!
I search: for the one who shall remain forever.
I wonder: if I can finish my work in time today…
I regret: not being able to hold on to her!
I love: the smell of rain in summer.
I ache: when I twist my body in an awkward angle! πŸ˜›
I care: not one bit for the political jerks in the world! πŸ˜€
I am not: a religious guy!
I believe: I can fly!
I dance: when I am high! πŸ˜€
I sing: in the bathroom and while riding the bike!
I cry: not…
I don’t always: tell the truth! Hee Hee Hee
I fight: with myself a lot!
I write: to please the Reader!
I win: always!
I lose: never!
I never: lose! πŸ˜›
I always: try not to repeat myself! πŸ˜€
I confuse: if I can’t convince!
I listen: very well…
I can usually be found: online! πŸ˜›
I am scared: of my own shadow! It’s a very powerful piece of dark magic!
I need: to be constantly reminded of my own mortality!
I am happy about: the fact that my blog has reached 10,000 hits in 4 months! πŸ˜€

Cheers Everyone! πŸ˜€

Virginia Tobacco :)

Note: The following post is protected under strict copyright laws, owned by Nam and her Nandu Mama. Copying this material or using it in any context without the explicit written and/or verbal permission of both the owners is punishable by the just laws of the glorious country of Sheikla Abbu. The following is not a true story, however, any resemblance to any person or animal, living or dead, has been included deliberately after a great deal of procrastination. Thanks to Nam for keeping me awake last night with this fascinating tale of deception, treachery and greed. I would have dozed off if it weren’t for her. πŸ™‚

Once upon a time, in an imagination far, far colorful, lived a Sheik who ruled over the glorious country of Sheikla Abbu. He had a thousand camels and a thousand horses and a thousand elephants and a thousand ten wives. He had an enormous palace, where he used to spend time with his wives and eat the best food in all of Abbu, drink the finest wine, listen to the best music and dance to the best tunes. He was also a bit greedy.

The Sheik was an accomplished warrior, who had conquered his enemies far and wide and wanted to expand his kingdom even more. So, against the wishes of his wives and wise men, he set out, leading his huge army south, to the kingdom of Virginia. This name is not to be confused with its namesake in the USA. He led the army through blistering deserts and freezing nights, and finally reached the doors of the castle in Virginia. They had been traveling for a thousand days and all were tired, including the Sheik.

He knew that if he declared war in his state of fatigue, he would lose terribly. So, he extended a hand of friendship to the ruler of Virginia, who gave the Sheik a pack of Virginia Tobacco, as a gesture of good faith. This is where our story kicks off into a bizarre world of madness. For two years he completely forgot about this packet of cigarettes in his possession, and went about his daily routines. Once, while cleaning out his writing desk, he found the unopened pack of Virginia Tobacco lying there, under a heap of death warrants.

Curious to try it out, the Sheik took out a cigarette from the pack and took a drag from the sweet tobacco, he could hear someone counting – “One, Two, Three, Four, Five…” in his ear, loudly. He looked around him, astonished at seeing no one, and yet, the voice was very clear in his mind. Someone had counted loudly and he had heard them! So, in his confused rage, he ordered the heads of all his guards to be chopped off.

The next day, when he was sitting on the banks of the river, he took out another cigarette and started smoking it. As soon as he took the first drag, he could bear someone counting again – “Five, Six, Seven, Eight…” and this time, the voice seemed to be very near to him. He looked around, and finding no one, ordered all his animals to be beheaded. No one dared to question his madness when he was in one of his rages. He sat back down and took another drag of the cigarette. Again, as before, he heard counting in his head – “Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen…” and he got really really freaked!

He started stripping down his robes, thinking that there could have been some sort of black magic going on. As he removed his shirt, something fell down to the ground. It was the pack of Virginia Tobacco. He picked it up and for the first time, read what was written on the pack.

“Virginia Tobacco: The Tobacco That Counts!” πŸ˜€

My Blog Feels Abandoned! :(

Boo Hoo! 😦

My blog stats are on the decline! I don’t know why! I don’t write obscene stuff. I don’t write politically explicit articles, I’m a decent guy who blogs on decent topics, no racism, no porn and definitely no slander! Well, almost no slander! πŸ˜‰

But still, this is very depressing news… What do I do? I can’t afford scantily-clad cheerleaders, nor can I offer free beer to all my visitors! All I can do is hope and pray that people read what I write. I wish I were one of those noble souls who aren’t bothered with blog stats… Sigh… 😦

Maybe what I can do is offer free advice and great ideas to everyone who visits me and leaves a comment. Just like Calvin! But I won’t charge them. I’m not as good a businessman as Calvin. Sigh, again… 😦

One more thing I can do is to change my wordpress theme. I’ve been using this theme for god knows how long, and maybe people are bored of seeing it. The same old header image (non-customizable, Grrr..!!), the same old font, the same sidebar and the same old boring topics!

Oh yeah, maybe I should start blogging about some socially volatile topics like abortion and child molestation and dangerously declining blog stats! (grin)

Actually, when it comes to such topics, I’m as opinionated as a doorknob. So, I’ll just continue to write about my same old boring life, the quirks I come across, the instances of stupidity and the complete lack of judgment, which often leads me perilously close to being a boring, old hag. Damn! My life is pathetically predictable!

As I said, Boo Hoo.. 😦