If I Were A Video Game…

  1. I’d be called “Yo-yo: God Strikes Back!”

  2. The first release of the game would have included villains like The Malevolent Nightmare from the Isolated Earth” and “Kitten-Obliterating Ravager of Yuckiness.”

  3. I’d be constantly on God Mode.

  4. Cheat codes would include, “Call Her Tomorrow”, “Don’t take her phone calls”, “Ditch every third girl”, “Men are pigs”, “Beer breakfast”, “Weed cake”, “Nirvana”, “Forgive and Regret” and most importantly, “Fuckhead.”

  5. Playstation 3 would feature a multi-player version of me, where one of the players has to be a woman and has to be cute, compulsorily. (Players will have to undergo a genetic test before playing.)

  6. MirrorCracked would feature a complete ‘walkthro’ of the game, to allow followers of the game to literally, walk in my shoes.

  7. The X-box 360 version will have horny sexy cheerleaders popping up every three minutes and doing what they do best.

  8. I would overtake Counter Strike as the most popular game on the planet, and due to the sex and violence involved, China would ban the game.

  9. Hollywood would make a movie based on the game, featuring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Angelina ‘The Dumb’ Jolie.

  10. I wouldn’t be blogging, since I’d be a frikkin video game.

Enough nonsense. Time to get back to my personalized version of Road Rash, where I’m the only guy on a bike chasing lungi-clad Indian politicians (Level 1) and horny sexy scantily-clad cheerleaders (Level 2).

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Cover me up, Scotty!

OutlookIndia has always been a very conservatively-confused country. No, that didn’t sound right. Let me try that again. India has always been a country with conservatively-confused people in power. Yeah, that sounds about right. Don’t get me wrong – I’m a politically-neutral, wardrobe-indifferent, optically-challenged, mentally-blessed, verbally-strong guy – but some things that these politicians do just baffles me and makes me want to stand them in the middle of a crowd, strip them naked and laugh at them all day long, like Nelson in the Simpsons, “Haw! Haw!”

Every sport needs cheerleaders – not only to please the weary sportsmens’ eyes, but also to appease the gawkers and the single men (and certain women!) in the crowd. Indian politics is very insecure when it comes to scantily dressed cheerleaders waving away those frillies in the air and showing off their generously endowed ..er.. wardrobe! (Does that sound right!?)

They allow these lovely cheerleaders to flaunt themselves one day and the next, they are banned and are ordered to “Cover up or Pack up!” The next day, they’re back, doing what they do best! Isn’t this a bit insane? Sticking to a decision is the hardest thing any Indian politician can do, and especially when it comes to near-naked dancing beauties, I’m not surprised by the vacillation! 😀

After all, who wants to watch a game of football or cricket without the goddesses of ..er.. (F)rock dancing and cheering the home side on? No wonder they charge entertainment taxes on game tickets nowadays! 😀

I know a lot of people wouldn’t have an opinion on this issue, but I just had to get it out – can’t hold back political jokes anymore! We’ve crossed the line! 🙂

Haw! Haw!