50k – The Art Of Getting Drunk! :)

drunkThe scientists at the MirrorCracked Labs wish to thank all the esteemed readers who have carried this blog past the 50,000 hit milestone. Since it’s humble beginnings in March of this year, it has taken nine months to reach here, and every single person who’s read this blog is much appreciated.

Being the brains behind this outfit, I have decided to dedicate this celebratory post to all of you. We, at the MC Labs decided to get drunk on Saturday night to celebrate this milestone, and in the stupor, made a few life-altering decisions.

Every person has a threshold value when it comes to drinking, and it follows a close relationship with the person’s body mass. If you weigh anything less than the chair on which you are now sitting, then you’ll get high by the fourth mug of beer. I weigh close to a thousand pounds, and it takes a lot to get me drunk. 😀

It all started with a simple phone call – I was bored to death at home when my friend called me and said, “Nikhil, you’re getting drunk today.”

I was a bit confused. “I am?” I asked.

“Yeah. Purple Haze. Kormangala. 2:30. Be there.”

So, that was it. I knew it would be a crazy session, and with the blog stats crossing the elusive milestone, I had a reason to celebrate. So, off I went, despite bad traffic, dirty roads, terrible heat and a reluctant bike.

Slowly and steadily, I built up from a large shot of scotch to 4 large shots of scotch and 5 beers, and promptly crossed the borderline of being tipsy and being punch drunk. I started talking nonsense, screamed out the songs that the DJ was playing, swayed dangerously on the bike while driving and threw up thrice in a coffee shop.

Yeah, I threw up thrice. My friends had dragged me to the coffee shop for some hot, strong black coffee and one sip of the bitter fluid, and I rushed to the men’s room and… well, you get the picture. 😀

So, don’t bother opening the champagne for MirrorCracked’s success – I did that already and then some! 😀

Thanks everyone for giving me an excuse to get drunk! Cheers!! 😀

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Objectum Sexuality!

I was browsing through the morning papers today, when Manju “Mango” Panicker pointed out something interesting to me. Please tell me why we live in such a fucked up world! Have a look at this! 😀

The first thing that went through my head when I read this was, “Ok, this is a joke, right?” Then, as I re-read it, I realized that it’s not a joke!  The woman is actually married to the goddamn Berlin Wall!!! 😀

So, when Regan brought down the wall, he killed her husband! Her husband divided a country! Her kids are probably going to be cute, little bricks! I wonder how they consummate their relationship every night! I started thinking if I ever had this sort of disease. I once found a pair of sneakers “sexy” and bought them. I once found a sexy shirt. Thats about it! But I have not married anyone or anything to date! This woman finds “slim things with horizontal lines” very sexy apparently! I have a striped shirt, maybe she’ll be interested!! 😀

Either that woman was too drunk to realize that she was marrying a frikking wall, or she really really needs a hard hit on the head! God save the world!! How come idiots like these get publicity, when decent, hard-working people like me (ahem!) don’t even get mentioned in the papers? Why is the world so twisted!? 😀

The newspaper that carried this article was Mid Day, a stupid tabloid that is hailed as the “future of reporting”! Yeah, right! Objectum Sexuality, it seems! Oh God! And I thought I was mad! 😀

Have You Seen This Girl??

Ok people! Help needed!! Look at the above photo carefully! Have you seen this girl anywhere? Do you know anyone who might have seen this girl anywhere? Ok, before you panic, I’ll tell you why I need to know.

This past Friday, May 23rd, 2008, there was an office party, and all 30 of us had gone to this pub called Stones to get sloshed. Since a colleague of mine called Mitesh was paying, I decided to bleed him dry and get royally drunk! 😀

Stones serves only beer, and so, I knew that to get drunk, I had to drink like a mad man! After 15 mugs of beer, I felt a calm, comfortable numbness creep over me, and I started smiling broadly and talking loud nonsense. People next to me wanted to have a bit of fun at my expense and challenged me to to chat up three pretty girls sitting at the next table. My beer-induced bravery reigned over common sense and I walked up to those three girls and offered them a round of drinks and invited them to join our party. They very politely declined, and after a few more unsuccessful attempts on my part, I gave up and walked back to my seat amidst boos from the challengers.

Now, ten minutes later, the waiter plonked a mug of beer in front of me and said that it was from the girls from the next table!!! 😀

I was taken aback, and a little flustered and to a greater extent, flattered. i walked over to the girls and said, “This is the sweetest beer I’ve tasted all night! Thanks!”

They said that they were returning the favor for my offer. So, in return, I found out what their favorite artist was. It was Doors, so I walked over to the DJ  and forced him to play a Doors’ song. The pretty girls left after the song, and I frankly forgot all about this incident as I somehow managed to get back home late at night and sleep till almost noon the next day.

Slowly and steadily, as I remembered the events, I have become more and more determined to find out who the three pretty girls are. Among all the photos that we took that night, in one corner of one frame, I found one of the pretty girls. The picture above is her! 😀

So, please pass this post on to everyone you know and let me know if you have any idea who this girl is! I vaguely remember telling them that I blog at MirrorCracked, and if any of the three pretty girls are reading this, I want to thank you in person!! I am a decent guy, don’t worry! 😀

Venue: Stones, Bangalore, India.

Time: Friday, after 8.30 pm, May 23, 2008.

Please let me know!!! Oh, I looked like this that night, by the way! 😀

What’s in a name?

My name isn’t that hard to pronounce. Really, it isn’t. It’s one of the easiest to say and spell. It’s one of the more common names in India too. I was used to this anonymity for 22 years before I decided to go to NY. There, people just couldn’t come to grips with my name. They thought “Nikhil” was Italian! And some variations were:

1. Ny-Kheel (Sounds Arab!)

1. Nick Hill (Ugh.!!)

3. Nikhail (Sounds Russian!! Gimme my vodka!)

So, I decided to put all the confusion to rest once and for all. Here’s what I wrote on a post-it and stuck it to everyone’s computers one morning –

Knee-Kill..!! That’s me! (grin)

What’s in a name, right? 😉