WordPress Troubles

Dear Universe,

Why can’t I seem to access my blog? Please help me. I have so many stories to share!

Sincerely,
A Very Irritated Writer

Advertisements

Walls Of Love

resilienceRight. So, the retards decide to throw a whole country in disarray and kill people indiscriminately. They enter a crowded city like Mumbai and take control of a few places, take hostages, shoot into the crowd, killing innocent people, lob hand grenades into crowds and hotel rooms and feel all macho because they feel like God.

What the retards don’t know and probably didn’t even realize that a country like India hasn’t survived for so long through luck – the people here are immensely strong and we can withstand anything dished out to us.

It’s sad that we’ve been on the wrong end of the gun for a while now, with these retards resorting to bombs in different cities and now, guns and grenades, but what is still unshakeable is our faith in a terror-free world.

My heartfelt condolences to all those affected by this retarded attack in Mumbai. Life has been thrown out of gear throughout the country, with everyone with access to a TV, radio or internet logged on to breaking news at this hour. Every single citizen of the country is praying that madness gets over before there’s any more loss of life. [Those who do not have access to a TV can go to this site for live streaming news.]

You fucking retards – you think your bullets and bombs and hatred can affect us? You think you can scare us into hiding? You really believe that you can even being to understand the meaning of ‘Love’ and “Unity’ and ‘Strength’ and “Solidarity’? The only difference between these so-called terrorists and retards in a mental asylum is the wall separating them. We build our walls from love, not stones.

Maintaining Moron-ness!

Life has become mundane! Nothing exciting is happening! I want something earth-shatteringly exciting to happen within the next 24 hours or else I’m going to go stark raving mad! πŸ˜€

I am used to a life of misfortunes, muggings, bandit queens and strange smells. The past few days have been very very ordinary. I need to spice things up a bit! Any suggestions!? Please?

Being a moron isn’t easy. There’s a lot of hard work that has to go into it to maintain that amount of moron-ness. People have to irritated, friends have to be annoyed, songs have to be ruined, decency and clothes have to be shed at important occasions and most importantly, common sense has to be abandoned. I’ve been very successful in this over the past 24 years of my life, and now, for the past three days, I have been strangely subdued. I don’t like it!

Help needed!

Have You Seen This Girl??

Ok people! Help needed!! Look at the above photo carefully! Have you seen this girl anywhere? Do you know anyone who might have seen this girl anywhere? Ok, before you panic, I’ll tell you why I need to know.

This past Friday, May 23rd, 2008, there was an office party, and all 30 of us had gone to this pub called Stones to get sloshed. Since a colleague of mine called Mitesh was paying, I decided to bleed him dry and get royally drunk! πŸ˜€

Stones serves only beer, and so, I knew that to get drunk, I had to drink like a mad man! After 15 mugs of beer, I felt a calm, comfortable numbness creep over me, and I started smiling broadly and talking loud nonsense. People next to me wanted to have a bit of fun at my expense and challenged me to to chat up three pretty girls sitting at the next table. My beer-induced bravery reigned over common sense and I walked up to those three girls and offered them a round of drinks and invited them to join our party. They very politely declined, and after a few more unsuccessful attempts on my part, I gave up and walked back to my seat amidst boos from the challengers.

Now, ten minutes later, the waiter plonked a mug of beer in front of me and said that it was from the girls from the next table!!! πŸ˜€

I was taken aback, and a little flustered and to a greater extent, flattered. i walked over to the girls and said, “This is the sweetest beer I’ve tasted all night! Thanks!”

They said that they were returning the favor for my offer. So, in return, I found out what their favorite artist was. It was Doors, so I walked over to the DJΒ  and forced him to play a Doors’ song. The pretty girls left after the song, and I frankly forgot all about this incident as I somehow managed to get back home late at night and sleep till almost noon the next day.

Slowly and steadily, as I remembered the events, I have become more and more determined to find out who the three pretty girls are. Among all the photos that we took that night, in one corner of one frame, I found one of the pretty girls. The picture above is her! πŸ˜€

So, please pass this post on to everyone you know and let me know if you have any idea who this girl is! I vaguely remember telling them that I blog at MirrorCracked, and if any of the three pretty girls are reading this, I want to thank you in person!! I am a decent guy, don’t worry! πŸ˜€

Venue: Stones, Bangalore, India.

Time: Friday, after 8.30 pm, May 23, 2008.

Please let me know!!! Oh, I looked like this that night, by the way! πŸ˜€

Second Chances

β€œFriendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”

– Elie Wiesel,
American Author,
Nobel Peace Prize 1986

One of the greatest attributes of life is its ability to deny us what we really want and give us what we really need. His life has been a constant game of badly-played chess, with every move as unplanned and sometimes, as stupid as it can get. Talking about friends and how they helped him reconstruct a broken foundation takes him back three years – a time when he almost convinced himself that he was a burden to everyone around him and decided that there wasn’t anything else that he could offer to the world. His time here was up, and he had to make a quick exit – to end his life and escape to that blissful afterworld where there’re no more complaints, no more angry glances, no more walking into a room filled with people who stop in mid-sentence and look at him as though he’s an unwanted piece of garbage, no more hints and subtle suggestions about him being a loser – and he chose the tried and tested path of a blade to the wrist in a bathroom alone at night.

It was in his second year of undergrad that he found out he was really a loser. The faculty treated him with disdain as if they were teaching him only because they were forced to, and his classmates never even acknowledged his presence, let alone talk to him. What was the point to all this, he thought. Why am I here? I don’t belong here because I am not wanted.

The situation at home wasn’t any different as his parents never really had the time to sit with him and talk about anything. There was a big pile of unopened progress reports on the refrigerator, and every day he looked at them in the hope that at least one of them would be opened. His grades were good but not great, and he just wanted his parents to know about the time he got a 25 on 25 in math or the time when he cleared the physics term paper. He wasn’t asking for a pat on the back and he wasn’t asking for a present in return. All he wanted was for them to smile at him occasionally, or at least look at him. He returned every day to an empty house and an emptier home. His time was up.

The person who helped him get through his hurdles – Aziz – died on May 4th, 2006 in Bangalore, India, after being diagnosed with a malignant type of blood cancer. He held his hand in the hospital on the third and told him that he’s going to live in San Jose, California, and that he owed his life to Aziz, because if it weren’t for him, there would have been no second chances.

This post is in memory of Aziz Muhammed, who celebrates his 2-year death anniversary today – a fact I was reminded of by an email from San Jose this morning, an email that gave me the permission to write these words and make his story known to the world. I had had only one cup of tea with Aziz, three years ago, and at that time, Chuckie, who was with me, said, “Life has so many things to show us and teach us and it will, only if we give it a chance to do so.”Β  Aziz smiled and made me smell the hot steam rising from the cup of tea. I dismissed him as a junkie at that time.

Now, I always smell my tea before drinking it.

I was…

Isn’t it fun! Balu, Rekha and Barath have tagged and all three are very very interesting tags. I wonder if I can do justice to them! Actually, this time, I’ll leave the tag open and I urge everyone to do these tags, because they’re really really intriguing! But I’m forcing Ruhi to do this tag!! πŸ˜€

Let me rack whatever little brains I’ve been blessed with and try to come up with absolutely stupid nice responses to them! Here goes…!

Tag 1:

Eight things I am passionate about :

1. Mountain Dew!! Do the Dew!!

2. Chicken Biryani! (If anyone reading this is a PETA activist, then please read this as Vegetable Biryani!)

2. Hot tea early in the morning!!

4. Ahem Ahem…

5. Pink Floyd’s songs! We don’t need no education! πŸ˜€

6. My job!

7. Blogging! It’s a religion! πŸ˜€

8. All my 450 novels!! πŸ˜€

Eight things I want to do before I die:

1 – 7: Visit all the seven wonders of the world! πŸ˜€

8. Invent a potion that’ll make me immortal! πŸ˜€

Eight things I say often:

Unfortunately, I swear a lot! I know, it doesn’t sound like me, but sometimes, I get really mad at people around me and pejoratives just burst forth like a dam breaking. Since I don’t want WordPress to delete my blog for being obscene, I’ll refrain myself! πŸ˜€

Eight books I have read recently:

The Bourne Series, Life of PI, Inside Intuit, Tintin in Tibet, Tintin in America and currently, Tintin and the Red Sea Sharks! πŸ˜€

Tag 2:

List 10 TV shows that made TV worth watching:

I’m a huuuuuge couch potato, and there’s not a single show that I’ve not seen. But, if I had to pick 10, then they’d have to be:

1. The Simpsons, who made my day! πŸ˜€

2. Home Improvement, where Tim Allen still cracks me up!

3. House MD, in which Hugh Laurie portrays my dream job!

4. The X-Files, which made me question my existence and made me look up to the heavens.

5. The Crystal Maze, which, till today, remains the best reality game show ever created!!!

6. Rugrats, which made me smile every night before I slept.

7. Bones, which aired recently on Fox, and got me hooked on to the idiot box.

8. Numbers, to which I was introduced by MN, and which gripped me hard! πŸ˜€

9. Mission Impossible, which was a series on which the popular movies were based. i like them better than the movies. πŸ˜€

10. Remington Steele, which made me fall in love with Pierce Brosnan’s acting!! πŸ˜€

Tag 3:

(I like this one the best because this got me really thinking, something I don’t do often!)

I modified this one a bit, and here’s what I’d do in the next 9 minutes:

7.49 pm: I need a smoke! πŸ˜€

7.50 pm: I need a cold cold beer! πŸ˜€

7.51 pm: I want to fly away on Emirates Airlines to Dubai and live the life of a bedouin!

7.52 pm: I would much rather have a cup of tea than coffee, thanks! πŸ™‚

7.53 pm: Stop blogging, you’re in office and you’ve got to work!!

7.54 pm: Damn, it’s almost 8 and I need to go home!

7.55 pm: I need a smoke! πŸ™‚

7.56 pm: Tomorrow’s Saturday!! Yippee!!! πŸ˜€

7.57 pm: Someone call me, please! I’m bored! πŸ˜€

7.58 pm: Shit, I badly need a smoke! πŸ˜€

Told you it would be interesting! Go ahead, try it! πŸ˜€

My Blog Feels Abandoned! :(

Boo Hoo! 😦

My blog stats are on the decline! I don’t know why! I don’t write obscene stuff. I don’t write politically explicit articles, I’m a decent guy who blogs on decent topics, no racism, no porn and definitely no slander! Well, almost no slander! πŸ˜‰

But still, this is very depressing news… What do I do? I can’t afford scantily-clad cheerleaders, nor can I offer free beer to all my visitors! All I can do is hope and pray that people read what I write. I wish I were one of those noble souls who aren’t bothered with blog stats… Sigh… 😦

Maybe what I can do is offer free advice and great ideas to everyone who visits me and leaves a comment. Just like Calvin! But I won’t charge them. I’m not as good a businessman as Calvin. Sigh, again… 😦

One more thing I can do is to change my wordpress theme. I’ve been using this theme for god knows how long, and maybe people are bored of seeing it. The same old header image (non-customizable, Grrr..!!), the same old font, the same sidebar and the same old boring topics!

Oh yeah, maybe I should start blogging about some socially volatile topics like abortion and child molestation and dangerously declining blog stats! (grin)

Actually, when it comes to such topics, I’m as opinionated as a doorknob. So, I’ll just continue to write about my same old boring life, the quirks I come across, the instances of stupidity and the complete lack of judgment, which often leads me perilously close to being a boring, old hag. Damn! My life is pathetically predictable!

As I said, Boo Hoo.. 😦