Insane Trends For 2012

A while ago, I had educated the world about the famed Stupidity Index. Now, as we move into the new year with new hopes and renewed miseries, I will present to you my top five insane trends to watch out for in 2012:

Excessive 9gagging:

9gag logoOver the past year, 9gag has become a trend statement of sorts with all kinds of memes being made popular by a very large percentage of the world’s population. Being a 9gagger has become a matter of pride for some and a matter of principle for others. Excessive 9gagging has shown to result in involuntary drooling, day dreaming during work and sudden, inexplicable erections in men in January, courtesy of their no-bra campaign. This trend is insane enough to make this list and its worth keeping an eye out for.

Facebook Marriages:

Facebook_WeddingMore and more people are getting ‘married’ on Facebook these days. In 2011, there were 109 recorded marriages on the social networking site whose user base makes it the fourth most populated country in the world. If you like someone very much and want to get married to that person but can’t afford a wedding, then the the trendsmith recommends a Facebook marriage – change your relationship status to ‘Married’ and indicate the person you want to marry. Once that other person (hopefully your better half) has reciprocated this action, your statuses will be updated for the whole world to see.

This is a very useful recommendation for all those who are constantly broke. Go forth and get hitched. After all, being insane enough to get married in this day and age trumps the fact that you’re doing it on Facebook.

The Flash Mob Phenomenon:

Flash MobThe mob has many heads but no brains. Or so they say. The last four months of 2011 saw an exponential rise in the number of randomly arranged flash mobs in India, US, UK and Australia. Most of the flash mobs were centered around people dancing to or singing a popular trending song. This year, there are all the indicators that the Flash Mob culture will rise strongly and will involve people from all walks of life to behave like idiots for a few minutes.

Status Messages:

status messageThere was an astronomical increase in the number of people searching for the phrase ‘best status messages’ on Google. It’s probably the influx of innumerable brain alternatives that people these days are not able to think smartly for themselves. Sadly, some of the best status messages on IMs and social networking sites are re-hashed nonsense. One of the trends to watch out for in 2012 will be the hunt for an original status message.

Taking An Arrow To The Knee:

Arrow to the knee - skyrimSkyrim, with all its hype and drama, gave the world much than they promised. More than half the world’s population are nursing sore knees after being shot by arrows. This phrase, which evolved into a meme and now has grown into a full-fledged fan site, will not die quickly. 2012 will see growing popularity and acceptance.

So, that’s my list. In case you have more insane trends to watch out for, enlighten us in the comments. Cheers, and a happy new year to you all. Stay Hungover!

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The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging

So you think you know how to blog, do you? Well, if you do, then good for you! Sometimes, the ability to delude ourselves is an important survival tool. For all those unfortunate netizens who sit and stare with open mouths at blogs and wonder how it’s done and for all those fortunate ones, who think they know how to blog, here’s a must-have quick reference – The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging! It’s about bloody time someone taught us how to blog!

Rule 1: Eat

Before you even think of the word ‘blog,’ eat well. I suggest a couple of bowls of chicken soup as well. There is a scientific reason behind this and I don’t want to go into the details. It has something to do with the ability to stifle a yawn.

Just take my advice – eat heartily and then sit in front of the computer and open the blog engine homepage.

Rule 2: Logging in

You can use your own username and password or you could steal someone else’s. It actually doesn’t matter as long as you get in. There’s a button usually present next to the password field that says “Enter” or “Submit” or “Log in” or, sometimes, very rarely, “Spank me.” Click that button. Congrats, you’ve just logged in.

Rule 3: Do A Tag

You’ll never be recognized as a blogger if you write shit and don’t do tags. Very few people know this, but the word “Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.”  The reasoning behind this would probably be the increasing amount of personal information that is being shared in each and every tag. (Oh, you wouldn’t believe it, but I once did a tag in which I asked a beautiful woman to marry me. But that’s just me. Different people reveal different things.)

So, beg, borrow or steal a meme, and do the tag. You’ll be certified as a blogger.

Rule 4: Etiquette

Just two words: No Nudity!

Whatever you write, whatever you comment, whatever photographs you upload and display, please make sure that your nude photographs and descriptions are not among them. No one wants to know. No one cares.

Rule 5: Comment Policy

One of the main aspects of blogging is to build good relationships with fellow bloggers. This can be achieved by visiting their site and leaving a scar comment on their article. This will force them to return the favor and voila! You’ve got a rudimentary blogroll! Now, don’t repeat that again. A good blogger never replies to comments or retaliates. A good blogger is always too drunk to do these things.

Rule 6: Logging out

Finally, after everything is said and done, you may search your page for a “Log Out” button. This button is also, very rarely, called “Spank me again.”

Go ahead. Blog! Show the world what you’ve got!

Let me rephrase that – Show the world how creative you can be! We don’t want to break Rule 4, do we?

Meme’d, again and again!

This month seems to be one for tags! I’ve been tagged thrice so far, this time by the veritable think-tank – Aparna Gonibeed. She created her own meme, perhaps after being inspired by my own insipid attempt to start a one, here. But, in all probability, this meme by Aparna will withstand the test of time and become famous. I hope it does, because people seem to have this fascination for other people’s love lives! 😀

So, here’re the rules for this meme:

  1. There are no rules.
  2. Tag 6 people to do this Q&A and leave a comment on their blogs saying, “Aparna is the best!”

Instead of adhering to the last part of the second rule, I’ll write six good things about Aparna here, in this post, instead of writing it six times in six different blogs. Fair deal, I hope.

What do you do when –

  • You see a man (or woman) making a pass (trying to woo/flirt/impress) on a woman (or man) you like?

I don’t know, I’ve never had to face this situation. But, I have generally used my Weapons of Mass Flirtations to disastrous effects, and I have been slapped, thrashed, glared at, flipped on, and most recently, blocked on Gtalk by guys whose girlfriends I was hitting on.

  • Some one you like, is not attracted to you?

I can’t help it, can I? I mean, I am what I am, and if that’s not good enough for the other person, then I am helpless.

  • You are attracted to some one, but both of you are in two different cities?

Been there, done that. It’s tough, and little things tend to be blown out of proportion. Distance does not make a heart grow fonder – it’s a catalyst for disaster.

  • You are reading a book, and your best friend wants to borrow it and can’t wait for you to finish reading, ‘coz he/she has been looking for it for all their life?

I’d claim that I don’t have that book. 😀

  • You help plan his/her career, and then, they go on to achieve it, leaving you behind, alone?

Good for them, because if he/she was anywhere near, I’d kick their butt. But, on a serious note, I’m not really a person who looks for anything in return for a favor, so I’d be happy for him/her.

  • Six good things about Aparna?

Workaholic. Very very good friend. My conscience, most of the time. Happy-go-lucky. Chilled out. Sexy.

Now, to pass this on to a few people. I’ll pick people who haven’t done a tag so far this month:

Soham, Shiwani. Shefaly, Prarthana, Nomad and Anniyan.

Cheers! 🙂

Mind If I ‘Tag’ Along? :)

I know, I know… It’s about bloody time, right? 😀

Here are the three tags that have been sitting in my drafts for a long long time, and I finally get the time to post it! I hope I don’t humiliate myself. Here goes:

Deeps tagged me for this one, and its probably the cutest tag ever! 😀

Six simple words that seems connected and somehow describe you.

Classic Case Of Multiple Personality Disorder! 😀

Arvind and Vishesh tagged me for this very interesting one.

The 5 cadres of people whom i love to hate.

1. The Crocodiles – who cry for no apparent reason to get their job done, and more often than not, it’s fake tears.

2. The Wolfs – who seem to take a sadistic pleasure in spreading rumors and make others’ lives miserable.

3. The Pity Sponges – who just can’t seem to get over the fact that they are the biggest mistake that even happened, and need constant attention, saying, “Look at me, pity me, I’m so miserable!”

4. The Politicians – not the ones who are actually in the profession (well, some of them, yes) but I mean the people who are career people, working normal 9-5 jobs and think that they work in a bloody government office and feel the need to mix business and pleasure politics.

5. The Losers – who think that they are no-good and that suicide is the best thing that can happen to them. For them, I have a glorious piece of advice that a very dear friend once told me: “Each one of us is like a cigarette lighter – we all strike constantly against the rock of Life, we all have a Spark, but only when there’s Spirit within, do we ignite and Light the way for other!”

Poonam tagged me for the Expansionist Meme! Here goes:

One religious work from a non-familiar tradition you’ll read:
I would have to say The Bible.

One music video that you like from your “least likely to listen to’ genre:
I don’t normally listen to gip-hop, but this one new song by David Jordan called Sun Goes Down, i just simply awesome!

A book from a genre you almost never read, that you have read, or you will read (promise!):
I rarely read poetry collections, but recently I bought a collection of William Blake’s poems, and he is just too good!

Somewhere you’d never thought to go on holiday/vacation, and why it might be fun to go there?
Bhilai, for specific reasons! 😉

A specific food you’ve never tried, but will because of this meme, honest!:
Idiyappam! Time I got the spelling and pronunciation right! 😀

A sport or game you really hate, or haven’t tried yet, but are willing to give one more go:
I would say Hockey!

A style of dance you probably won’t try (we won’t make you promise on this one):
Phew! Square dancing!

A career job you don’t feel you’re suited for, and why:
I am not suited for career jobs! 😀

An item that’s “thinking out of the box” for this meme that hadn’t been included:
I would have to say meeting the kind of people whom you would normally would ignore! 😀

That’ll be a task!

It’s there’s one thing in life you wanted to do, and will do because of this meme, what will it be?
Go to a specific table on MG Road’s Barista, order a cappuccino and rethink where my life is headed! 🙂

Crap@Crap.com

Look into your spam queue and chances are that you’ll find some totally hilarious comment by some hilarious nutcase waiting to get approved! This morning, when I peeped into the Akismet spam inbox, this is what I found:

Crap@Crap.com?? Hmmm… Sounds like a serious case of loose bowels to me! 😀 Maybe this could be a meme! Cool, I shall start my own meme now!

Pick out the most hilarious comment in your spam queue, take a screen shot of it and post it! 😀

I shall tag Shefaly (returning the favor), Scorpria, Priya, Rekha and Maria Christina(been a while since I tagged you) ! Spam away! 😀

P.S. Xylene, is this your handiwork?? 😀