You Can’t Ring & Ruin My Life!

Evil Cell PhonesRemember those days of carefree indulgence back in college or school or even the womb? You could do whatever you wished without anyone bothering you or asking you irritating questions. Life was so beautiful, with little misery to discover and a lot of fun to explore. Then, some jackass went and invented the mobile phone.

It’s bad enough to have one phone, but when you try to adhere to statistics (India has almost a 200% cell-phone penetration), you get stuck with two phones and a very short fuse. Constantly trying to please every one of the 900-odd contacts on both phones, most of whom just give you a missed call hoping you consider them important enough for you to call back, can be quite a challenge if you’re not taking anger management classes. Since my anger management involves some highly charged romantic moments with my girlfriend, whom I shall diplomatically call a bombshell, and since I can’t meet her as often as I would like to these days (due to our respective careers and not anything else), I am almost always one phone call away from losing my cool.

This morning, I had the (mis)fortune of running out of balance on my prepaid number and reach the end of the month’s grace period on my postpaid one, and at 9 in the morning, I was ‘temporarily disconnected’ from the entire world. It was such a beautiful feeling – I became nostalgic and went up on the terrace, placed both my phones in front of me and danced around in my underwear singing ‘It’s My Life’ and screaming,

“You can’t ring and ruin my life!
You can’t ring and ruin my life!
I control you, fuckers!
Tra-la-la-laaa….
You can’t ring… You can’t ruin my life…”

Just as the chorus built up a bit and I became more and more animated, one of the phones beeped. I stopped mid-sentence, “I control you fu-” and stared at the pair of life-ruiners in front of me. One of them definitely had beeped. Was I dreaming? I went closer, slowly, hesitantly, and saw that my Motorola phone was flashing “I New Message”.

How could this be? I knew for a fact that there was no balance in either of the phones. I couldn’t receive messages! This was not possible! Then, it struck me that if this phone could receive messages, then what’s stopping it from ringing! I let out a guttural scream of pain, grabbed both the phones and ran inside. When I flipped the phone open, the message was from a client of mine and it read, “Nikhil, can’t reach you. Please call.”

I felt like a piece of shit as I stood in line, trying to recharge both the phones, a few hours later.

Image Courtesy: Slate.com

Going Krazr!

My new Krazr!
My new Krazr!

Things are happening too fast around here for me to keep up. I just bought a new phone and I’m going totally bonkers over it! Got a few things to complete and a few weddings to crash and no less than seventeen Christmas presents to buy.

I’ll be back in a day or two. Pray for my safe return for I’m going shopping! If I don’t come back in the stipulated time frame, assume that I’m dead, and send in your obituaries. I will be reduced to another mere statistic – Death By Shopping.

Cheers! 🙂

The Pursuit Of Music!

There are a lot of things in life that are worth smiling for. Most of them reside in us, and a few of them are out in the open, waiting to be chanced upon. The only difference between people who find these gems and the ones who don’t is something absurdly unfathomable – a pair of Motorola earphones!

I bought a pair of brand new earphones yesterday, seeing that my old ones were gutted, with their innards showing! I paid 300 bucks for this new pair and very excitedly, I plugged it in to my phone and clicked the radio button. I was grinning like a fool from ear to ear as i crouched in the corner of the room, clutching the phone like a hungry man holds a bit of food that he has found after a long, long time. I clicked the radio button, salivating at the thoughts of mind-numbing music… I clicked the radio button…

Nothing happened…

There was no sound, no music, no static, nothing… I screamed out in rage and tried to maul the earphones, when there was a faint noise in my ear. I stopped and investigated it. At one particular angle of the earphone, the music clarity was perfect, better than any I had ever heard. But only at that angle! Even if I moved a millimeter this way or that, I lost the sound and I could hear perfect radio silence! 😀

Lazy ass bugger that I am, I had no intention of walking all the way across the street to replace the pair of earphones. I went to work the next day, driving my bike and the new pair of earphones plugged in, and all the way, people on the road gave me strange stares. I thought it was probably because of my handsome good looks, but soon realized it wasn’t. It was probably because I had one leg up on the front fender of the bike and the other balanced precariously on the brakes. The phone was nestled in my left trouser pocket and I had to put my left foot up on the fender to achieve the “optimum angle” for the earphones to work.

Every time I put my foot down to change gears, I lose the music. 😀

Now, I have severe cramps in my thigh…

I still persist with these crappy earphones because I heard the sweetest voice in the whole wide world through these earphones, the voice of that lovely, charming angel who called me when I was busy searching for a couple of my lost documents and pulling my hair out and promptly brought a smile on my face. 🙂

Me, Brand Factory!

Whew! Finally!

Shefaly tagged me on May 27, 2008 with a meme that proved to be as elusive as my sanity! I finally found the time to finish the tag, that had been sitting patiently in my drafts folder all this while! 😀

The meme is about branding – to capture the role played by different brands in our lives, on a day-to-day basis. For me, a typical day would involve somewhere close to a hundred different brands in various situations, starting with my user-friendly underwear to the ever-present pair of glasses. I’ve made a very amateurish collage of all the brands I use in my day-to-day affair and very optimistically, I’ve added my own grinning picture in it, hoping that one day in the far future, I’d be a brand! 😀

Click For The Bigger Picture! 🙂

WordPress plays a major role in my day, followed closely by VIP underwears, Dettol Soaps and Hanes vests. I use Colgate toothpaste in the morning and listen to 91.9 Radio Indigo. I smoke ITC cigarettes and I own a Dell computer. I have a Titan watch and I wear Arrow shirts. I have a Moto phone with a BSNL connection. I sometimes steal my dad’s Maruti car and at other times, I drive my own Bajaj bike. I use Bausch & Lomb glasses and wear Woodlands shoes. I handle Intuit and SQL Star as my clients and I drink Kingfisher beer. Oh, I almost forgot – my commode is a Parryware product and I write with a Reynolds pen! 😀

Since I’m very interested to see the responses of a few people, I tag Bina, Fruity, Ruhi, Reema, Scorpria, Deepsm25 and RJ

Cheers! 🙂