Oops, He Did It Again! :)

Deve Louda Gowda - The Art Of Holding An Entire City At Ransom!
Deve Gowda - The Art Of Holding An Entire City At Ransom!

Every country has it’s fair share of jackass politicians and India perhaps has the most. Topping the list of overachievers is the supremely anal Deve Louda Gowda. He was the Prime Minister of the country a while back, and during his stint, India stooped to an all time low. He was notorious for disrupting the lives of the citizens with his absurd political campaigns and crap-all marches. Last night, he outclassed himself by holding the entire city at ransom. Here’s what transpired two days prior to the incident:

Scene: Deve Louda Gowda’s toilet.

For sake of convenience, we’ll refer to him as Fuckhead.

Fuckhead is sitting on the pot and trying to forget the past 15 painful minutes. At his age, he realizes that he shouldn’t be eating spicy curry for dinner lest he goes through this marathon session in the toilet again. He has his laptop on his knees and he is reading MirrorCracked – his daily dose of laughter. He reads this post called “Living In Ghost Town,” where the author has written about how empty the roads of Bangalore were and how he’s so happy that he reached his office in half an hour, instead of the usual one hour.

Fuckhead frowns and hatches a plan to make that author’s life miserable. He calls it Operation Manic Monday.

On the 17th of November, he holds the biggest political rally in his miserable career. Worse still, he holds this rally in the heart of the city – Palace Grounds. Three hundred and fifty thousand people thronged to the rally from all around Bangalore (Please note: People came from all around Bangalore, not from Bangalore. Over 1000 vehicles, including 400 buses were allowed into the city carrying the hopeful and the misinformed villagers.)

Roads are choked and the entire city comes to a standstill, in the biggest traffic management disaster the city has ever seen. Fuckhead smiles in satisfaction.

“The author of MirrorCracked has been taken care of,” he says to his personal assistant. “No longer will he write about Bangalore roads being empty. I have triumphed.”

The scientists at the MirrorCracked Labs were shocked and angered at this cruel, below-the-belt tactic that Fuckhead employed. They think that Deve Louda Gowda is jealous of Nikhil’s sexy beard and the luxuriant hair on his head. Maybe…

Oh My God!


I am terrified! I am in mortal fear of my sanity! I don’t know what to do! I am freaking out! I need professional help! I am losing my mind! Aaaaargh!

Okay, sorry for that. I am being a little melodramatic, but my life’s become so full of shit right now that I am not able to squeeze in the time to blog! I am such an idiot when it comes to time management! Anyway, I have made up my mind now – I am going to blog every day, come what may! I don’t care if I miss appointments; I don’t care if I piss clients off; I don’t care if I get a low performance rating; I don’t care if I miss my flight/train/bus – it’s one post a day or I’m a retarded monkey. And I know I’m not a retarded monkey.

Also, I have this sneaking feeling that I have Alzheimers’. My mom’s dad had it and there’s a good chance I do too. Every time my finger or my eye twitches, my heart skips a beat. So, in all probablility, I am going to lose my mental acuity and my control over my muscular movements. I will wither away and mumble to myself and breathe my last. So, it’s better I blog everyday because I don’t wanna wither away with regrets.

Fuck excuses. I give you all permission to shoot me on sight if I don’t visit your blog regularly and comment. Go ahead. Bullets are cheap. Someone tried to stone me to death with popcorn the other day, so I am guessing bullets are more effective.

Okay, I’ll stop talking nonsense. 😀