Do Your Part. Don’t Vote!

Ever wonder what it would be like to live in a Dystopian world without rules and regulations and people in power ruthlessly expanding themselves at the cost of the general population? Here’s what you don’t see on BBC World News and CNN International News:

The people of the state of Karnataka are currently standing around their TV sets scratching their heads and wondering how they became a part of a zombie movie. The local and national news channels didn’t have anything more interesting, entertaining or bloody than the crisis worsening in this state. And they didn’t have to, because one look at the mindless murk that we call politicians and their actions today in Parliament and we know that our chances of survival are much better in Raccoon City, without Alice. (Ref: Resident Evil)

Twenty to thirty MLAs bursting into a secure Parliament house, assaulting the cops, ripping their clothes off and trying to get past a barricade behind which hapless, unarmed cops are trying their lousy best to get out of the way of clawing arms, well-aimed spit and breaking glass – this was the scene that we woke up to this morning. And to think that we elected these clowns into office makes me wonder about the shortcomings of the democratic process.

India has quite a lot of issues to address at this point of time without the added ridiculousness of farmer-turned-politicians (who flunked 8th grade) acting like they deserve an award just for their existence. We have a crisis going on at the Commonwealth Games being held in the nation’s capital, where the very image of the country is being put to the acid test. Surely enough, behind all the muck over there, criminal politicians played the fiddle and made money for themselves. Geographically, the country is in a violent fight against itself to hold on to Jammu & Kashmir, where bloodshed has, unfortunately, become a part of a normal lifestyle. Power crises in almost 90% of the country’s length and breadth coupled with water and food shortages paint a very bleak picture for ‘India Shining’.

The word ‘Corruption’ is thrown around a lot in the media these days – this guy’s corrupt, that woman’s corrupt, the whole bloody parliament is corrupt. But what we fail to realize is that this apparent corruption is just an extension of basic Indian nature. Not human nature – Indian nature. We are a race of people who would do anything for money and fame. I’m sure there will be do-gooders who come out and make advertisements and write articles about how we are not a nation of thieves and how we can behave better and how we can avoid bribes, but in the end, everyone does it. There’s no point in feeling offended at this observation, because if you do, then you and the high horse you rode in on can go to hell. This is the sad truth.

So, let’s stop trying to change who we are and start trying to live with that realization. Let’s do our part in trying to screw our country over. I don’t have to be a member of parliament to do it – isn’t that one of the great things about democracy? Power of the people? Let’s do it, then.

Don’t vote. Ever. It’ll be fun to watch ourselves burn.

If ever a politician reads this post, then do me a favor. No, do yourself a favor and kill yourself.

 

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And Then, I Dreamt About Shoelaces… :)

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Dreams And Shoelaces 🙂

I dream a lot, sometimes while driving, sometimes while sitting through a meeting, sometimes while talking to someone and mostly, when I’m sleeping (thankfully). I have this ability to phase out of a conversation in an instant and start dreaming about something totally unrelated and it usually takes a slap or a hard punch to the shoulder to break my reverie.

I dream about a lot of things – women, alcohol, fame, money, glory, women, phones, happiness, women, books, people, friends, enemies, work, office and women. I sometimes dream about women too, but not always. Er, was that a bit too much information? Shit, I think it was!

Anyway, I digress. The coming of the new year has been tremendous to my spirits. By spirits, I mean the type that is usually consumed orally. But otherwise too, my state of mind has been generally quite a happy one, with lots of hopes and dreams about what the new year is about to dish out. One thing I know for sure is that I’m gonna remain the Divine Yo-yo that I’ve always been. What strengthened my belief in this was an incident that happened last evening, when I was having a conversation with my friend about the lamest of lame topics – shoelaces.

Yeah, I was actually having an intelligent conversation about shoelaces with a friend of mine over a smoke, and he suggested that it was unfair for a person to spend more than 3 seconds in fastening a pair of shoes. He wanted to invent a self-tying shoelace or something that would save us our time. He had obviously never heard of Velcro.

I gently reminded him that many shoes don’t even have laces nowadays and that people don’t actually mind spending a bit more than 3 seconds tying the laces. But the guy was adamant. Maybe because he had been drinking all day long and he wasn’t in his senses; maybe because he was just being stupid, as always, I don’t know, but he was really adamant about the fact that we need automatic self-tying shoelaces!

So, I ventured a bit and actually started dreaming about the possibility of automating everything in life. It wasn’t a very good dream, as I had quite a few pervert thoughts (as you can guess). I started giggling to myself at those thoughts, when this guy decided to slap me on the head quite hard. It was quite a blow – it made me fall off the parapet and land face down on the ground. It wasn’t that high a parapet thankfully but three feet can feel like three hundred when you fall face down, and unexpectedly.

I got a text message from the guy this morning apologizing for his actions as he had thought that I was laughing at his idea and that though he still believed the idea was worth a shot, he shouldn’t have hit me on the head.

I replied to his message, “Thanks, I needed that.”

He obviously failed to see the sarcasm behind that and sent a smiley back. What a world! What a start to the year! 😀

Image Courtesy: http://www.comictreadmill.com

Letter to Cupid :)

Dear Asshole Cupid,

When you first met me, you chose a lovely, red, pointy arrow and shot it right through my heart. I bled and bled but you didn’t really care. You moved on to your next victim, impaling everyone you met! I so hate you for pulling that arrow out forcefully and hurting me more! When you did that to me, you not only ensured that two lives would never be the same again, but you also made sure that I can never be affected by your childish charms and sharp arrows again!

Just because you’re a child with wings and you carry around a bow and arrow, you think you can play around with people’s lives and emotions and feelings? Who gave you that right, you idiot child? Just because you are written about in books and sung about in stupid love songs, you think that you are the ultimate puppet master, making your victims dance to your tunes? You’re nothing but a spoiled brat, you hear me? Your curly, blonde hair, your red and rosy cheeks and those brilliant blue (apparently) innocent eyes may fool others but not me! I think I know what you’re planning for me!

You want me to take the tried and tested path of begging for your arrow to be impaled again in my heart, drinking myself silly in filthy places and in my stupor, calling out for that cardiac pain again and stabbing myself with chemicals in the hope of seeing your bright wings again – think again, asshole Cupid! I am not going to give you that pleasure. I am well and truly in control of my emotions and for all I care, you can take those arrows of yours and thrust it up your ass. I don’t really care how you do it, but given a chance, I’d do it for you myself! I dare you to come before me again, as you did last time! Stand before me like a man and face me!

Oh, I forgot – you’re a child! 😀

So, here’s what I really had to say to you, Cupid. Drop Dead! 😀

Yours sincerely,
Nikhil