The Feminist In Me

the-female-brainA long, long time ago Nita had tagged me and asked me to share my views on Feminism. The explanation she gave for tagging me was, “…since you like women so much…”

I thought about it for a long time, and finally assembled all that I had to say on the topic. So, here goes.

I need to make a few things perfectly clear to all my readers – I am not any of the following:

  1. An Asshole
  2. A Male Chauvinistic Pig
  3. A Womanizer
  4. A Bimbo
  5. A Gigolo
  6. A Stalker

Okay, now that the necessary evil’s out of the way, I can safely recall an incident that happened a few years ago. I was debating in a college fest and it was an impromptu event. I walked up on the stage and picked up a chit. To my horror, the topic was: “Men are the blueprints and women are the masterpiece.”

I gulped and started my talk with the words, “Men are pigs…” and went on to win the debate. I think men are a very confused race. We think we are more capable than women, we think we can achieve far greater things than women, we think we are God’s gift to women and we think we are mentally, emotionally and physically stronger than women.

We are not.

We think we can understand women. We think we can out-think women. We think we can handle emergencies better than women. We think we can survive without women. We think we can survive.

We cannot.

One of the most glaring aspects of the male-female divide is the delusions of grandeur that men seem to have picked up somewhere along the line of evolution. This reminds me of an article I’d written called The Inner Workings Of The Female Brain:

“… the present day situation demands more caution on the part of the male. The female brain has quickly analyzed the greatest weakness that the Y-chromosome accords to us. It is that, while the man has to spend his time, money and efforts to woo the girl, she on the other hand just has to smile, and the guyโ€™s hers! […] If Sigmund Freud were alive today, he would have called the male populace of the planet as a โ€œsad bunch of toilet-tissue-emulators!”ย  Though we must be ashamed of ourselves, not to mention cautious, weโ€™re neither, and end up being the receiving end of nitrogenous treatments meted out to us by the female.

More than everything, the female brain has evolved so quickly, that when we were still trying to make faces at ourselves by looking at our reflection in the river, the female was busy creating masks…”

So, men need to learn the basics right and learn to respect women. It’ll take us a long time to unlearn habits like raising an eyebrow when we see a woman driving a car and smiling when we see a woman traffic cop. It’s also about time we learn that women make better politicians and better bosses.

PS: Okay, maybe I am an asshole in certain situations where I don’t return phone calls, but that’s in self-defense – I usually find myself associated with a lot of psychotic girlfriends! ๐Ÿ˜€

The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging

So you think you know how to blog, do you? Well, if you do, then good for you! Sometimes, the ability to delude ourselves is an important survival tool. For all those unfortunate netizens who sit and stare with open mouths at blogs and wonder how it’s done and for all those fortunate ones, who think they know how to blog, here’s a must-have quick reference – The Dummy’s Guide To The Basic Rules Of Blogging! It’s about bloody time someone taught us how to blog!

Rule 1: Eat

Before you even think of the word ‘blog,’ eat well. I suggest a couple of bowls of chicken soup as well. There is a scientific reason behind this and I don’t want to go into the details. It has something to do with the ability to stifle a yawn.

Just take my advice – eat heartily and then sit in front of the computer and open the blog engine homepage.

Rule 2: Logging in

You can use your own username and password or you could steal someone else’s. It actually doesn’t matter as long as you get in. There’s a button usually present next to the password field that says “Enter” or “Submit” or “Log in” or, sometimes, very rarely, “Spank me.” Click that button. Congrats, you’ve just logged in.

Rule 3: Do A Tag

You’ll never be recognized as a blogger if you write shit and don’t do tags. Very few people know this, but the word “Tags” is an acronym – it stands for “Towards A Greater Sexlife.”ย  The reasoning behind this would probably be the increasing amount of personal information that is being shared in each and every tag. (Oh, you wouldn’t believe it, but I once did a tag in which I asked a beautiful woman to marry me. But that’s just me. Different people reveal different things.)

So, beg, borrow or steal a meme, and do the tag. You’ll be certified as a blogger.

Rule 4: Etiquette

Just two words: No Nudity!

Whatever you write, whatever you comment, whatever photographs you upload and display, please make sure that your nude photographs and descriptions are not among them. No one wants to know. No one cares.

Rule 5: Comment Policy

One of the main aspects of blogging is to build good relationships with fellow bloggers. This can be achieved by visiting their site and leaving a scar comment on their article. This will force them to return the favor and voila! You’ve got a rudimentary blogroll! Now, don’t repeat that again. A good blogger never replies to comments or retaliates. A good blogger is always too drunk to do these things.

Rule 6: Logging out

Finally, after everything is said and done, you may search your page for a “Log Out” button. This button is also, very rarely, called “Spank me again.”

Go ahead. Blog! Show the world what you’ve got!

Let me rephrase that – Show the world how creative you can be! We don’t want to break Rule 4, do we?

Meme’d, again and again!

This month seems to be one for tags! I’ve been tagged thrice so far, this time by the veritable think-tank – Aparna Gonibeed. She created her own meme, perhaps after being inspired by my own insipid attempt to start a one, here. But, in all probability, this meme by Aparna will withstand the test of time and become famous. I hope it does, because people seem to have this fascination for other people’s love lives! ๐Ÿ˜€

So, here’re the rules for this meme:

  1. There are no rules.
  2. Tag 6 people to do this Q&A and leave a comment on their blogs saying, “Aparna is the best!”

Instead of adhering to the last part of the second rule, I’ll write six good things about Aparna here, in this post, instead of writing it six times in six different blogs. Fair deal, I hope.

What do you do when –

  • You see a man (or woman) making a pass (trying to woo/flirt/impress) on a woman (or man) you like?

I don’t know, I’ve never had to face this situation. But, I have generally used my Weapons of Mass Flirtations to disastrous effects, and I have been slapped, thrashed, glared at, flipped on, and most recently, blocked on Gtalk by guys whose girlfriends I was hitting on.

  • Some one you like, is not attracted to you?

I can’t help it, can I? I mean, I am what I am, and if that’s not good enough for the other person, then I am helpless.

  • You are attracted to some one, but both of you are in two different cities?

Been there, done that. It’s tough, and little things tend to be blown out of proportion. Distance does not make a heart grow fonder – it’s a catalyst for disaster.

  • You are reading a book, and your best friend wants to borrow it and canโ€™t wait for you to finish reading, โ€˜coz he/she has been looking for it for all their life?

I’d claim that I don’t have that book. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • You help plan his/her career, and then, they go on to achieve it, leaving you behind, alone?

Good for them, because if he/she was anywhere near, I’d kick their butt. But, on a serious note, I’m not really a person who looks for anything in return for a favor, so I’d be happy for him/her.

  • Six good things about Aparna?

Workaholic. Very very good friend. My conscience, most of the time. Happy-go-lucky. Chilled out. Sexy.

Now, to pass this on to a few people. I’ll pick people who haven’t done a tag so far this month:

Soham, Shiwani. Shefaly, Prarthana, Nomad and Anniyan.

Cheers! ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s Love, Actually…

After a long, long time, a tag has come my way. Kris Bass, my queerest friend, has tagged me in this very interesting Q&A tag about love, and I will try to answer them here and pass on the tag. Two rules, though:

  • RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

  • RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and they cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.
  1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
    If I can call someone my ‘lover’, then there has to be enough trust between us to know that we can never betray each other. Else, she’d be just a very close friend. So, unless the question is worded properly, I guess I can’t answer it.
  2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
    There’s only one woman who dwells in my dreams, and the day she says, “Stop wooing me, Nikhil. Let’s get married!” my dream would’ve come true.
  3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
    Well, I’d make all the politicians of the world bend over and kick them on their butts one-by-one. (What has this got to do with Love, anyway??)
  4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
    Pay off my loans, buy a house by the seaside in Kerala, hire a bunch of actors to act like thugs and ask them to surround my Jodha while she’s walking home, when I appear from nowhere and kick their butts and save her life, hoping that she’ll swoon and fall into my arms.ย  Then, use the remaining money to live happily with her ever after.
  5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
    Yes. I already have.
  6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
    I think it’s the latter, because knowing that someone loves you and cares for you as much as you love them and care for them, is bliss.
  7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
    Until I’m either dead or married to someone else, which is pretty much the same thing.
  8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
    I tell her I love her. Everyday. I will prove it to her that no one else in the world can love her the way I will. And I do not love her ‘secretly’.
  9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
    I’d like to act in an action scene with SRK and kick him in the balls real hard when no one’s looking.
  10. What takes you down the fastest?
    It’s a tie between a fall down the stairs and an empty wallet.
  11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
    I don’t know. Honest.
  12. Whatโ€™s your fear?
    I fear she’ll regret her choice.
  13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
    Awesome rockstar, good friend and, according to him,ย  the craziest guy ever.
  14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
    If these are my only two choices, I’d say Married and Poor, if and only if I can marry the woman I love. Otherwise, I’d want to single and filthy rich.
  15. Whatโ€™s the first thing you do when you wake up?
    Say a small prayer. They haven’t been answered yet.
  16. Would you give all in a relationship?
    I’d give more.
  17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
    Hmmm.
  18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
    Of course. It is always my fault.
  19. Will you marry me? (Original Question: Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?)
    I’ll let her answer this. ๐Ÿ™‚
  20. List 6 people to tag:
    Apar, Deeps, Po, Suda, Vaudevillian, Vimal

Anyone else who want’s to pick up the tag is free to do so. Cheers! ๐Ÿ™‚

Image Courtesy: tbch.org

Mind If I ‘Tag’ Along? :)

I know, I know… It’s about bloody time, right? ๐Ÿ˜€

Here are the three tags that have been sitting in my drafts for a long long time, and I finally get the time to post it! I hope I don’t humiliate myself. Here goes:

Deeps tagged me for this one, and its probably the cutest tag ever! ๐Ÿ˜€

Six simple words that seems connected and somehow describe you.

Classic Case Of Multiple Personality Disorder! ๐Ÿ˜€

Arvind and Vishesh tagged me for this very interesting one.

The 5 cadres of people whom i love to hate.

1. The Crocodiles – who cry for no apparent reason to get their job done, and more often than not, it’s fake tears.

2. The Wolfs – who seem to take a sadistic pleasure in spreading rumors and make others’ lives miserable.

3. The Pity Sponges – who just can’t seem to get over the fact that they are the biggest mistake that even happened, and need constant attention, saying, “Look at me, pity me, I’m so miserable!”

4. The Politicians – not the ones who are actually in the profession (well, some of them, yes) but I mean the people who are career people, working normal 9-5 jobs and think that they work in a bloody government office and feel the need to mix business and pleasure politics.

5. The Losers – who think that they are no-good and that suicide is the best thing that can happen to them. For them, I have a glorious piece of advice that a very dear friend once told me: “Each one of us is like a cigarette lighter – we all strike constantly against the rock of Life, we all have a Spark, but only when there’s Spirit within, do we ignite and Light the way for other!”

Poonam tagged me for the Expansionist Meme! Here goes:

One religious work from a non-familiar tradition youโ€™ll read:
I would have to say The Bible.

One music video that you like from your โ€œleast likely to listen toโ€™ genre:
I don’t normally listen to gip-hop, but this one new song by David Jordan called Sun Goes Down, i just simply awesome!

A book from a genre you almost never read, that you have read, or you will read (promise!):
I rarely read poetry collections, but recently I bought a collection of William Blake’s poems, and he is just too good!

Somewhere youโ€™d never thought to go on holiday/vacation, and why it might be fun to go there?
Bhilai, for specific reasons! ๐Ÿ˜‰

A specific food youโ€™ve never tried, but will because of this meme, honest!:
Idiyappam! Time I got the spelling and pronunciation right! ๐Ÿ˜€

A sport or game you really hate, or havenโ€™t tried yet, but are willing to give one more go:
I would say Hockey!

A style of dance you probably wonโ€™t try (we wonโ€™t make you promise on this one):
Phew! Square dancing!

A career job you donโ€™t feel youโ€™re suited for, and why:
I am not suited for career jobs! ๐Ÿ˜€

An item thatโ€™s โ€œthinking out of the box” for this meme that hadnโ€™t been included:
I would have to say meeting the kind of people whom you would normally would ignore! ๐Ÿ˜€

That’ll be a task!

Itโ€™s thereโ€™s one thing in life you wanted to do, and will do because of this meme, what will it be?
Go to a specific table on MG Road’s Barista, order a cappuccino and rethink where my life is headed! ๐Ÿ™‚

Skeletons In My Closet!

CartoonStock.comI will risk being ridiculed as a clichรฉ when I write this post, but I have to get my fingers moving over the keyboard. I am suffering from a serious bout of writers’ block nowadays. I can’t seem to convince myself that I must write to keep my mind spiraling down into an abyss of mundane work. I’ve been putting in twelve hours of work everyday now, for the past few weeks, and that has taken a toll on my writing. I have been accused of neglecting my blog, neglecting all the beautiful people on my Gtalk list, and not giving enough time to myself.

So, I decided yesterday (while I was in the middle of a beautiful dream) that the best way to get over this block is to start by revealing ten deep, dark secrets about myself – the skeletons in my closet – for the whole world to see and judge and hopefully, have mercy on my poor soul and forgive me for all my cupidity. Er.. I mean, stupidity! ๐Ÿ˜€

1. Stuffed penguins freak me out! (As a kid, I used to watch Pingu and cry, and almost killed a friend of mine for forcing me to watch Happy Feet!)

2. I am homophobic – I don’t like the concept of homosexuality! (No offense to anyone, it’s just my personal belief that nature did not intend that to happen!) ๐Ÿ˜€

3. I like it when people scream at me. It’s probably not subtle masochism but the fulfillment of an innermost desire to annoy others! ๐Ÿ˜€

4. I am in love…

5. I like playing chess with people online, because that way, I can cheat by using Shredder Chess! ๐Ÿ˜€

6. I once burned my dad’s feet with a hot serving spoon intentionally, when I was six years old, because he refused to buy me chocolates! ๐Ÿ˜€

7. I think I’m from another planet, but I’m not sure of the facts…

8. When I’m alone, I fart loudly and smile to myself! ๐Ÿ˜€ (I will vehemently deny this fact in court, if it comes to that!!)

9. Till very recently, I did not know the difference between the kind of work a Prime Minister does and the kind of work a Mayor does! (Thanks for the enlightenment, Shefaly!)

10. I don’t bathe on weekends! ๐Ÿ˜€

Phew.. Took me half an hour but I did it! I wrote something! Yay! ๐Ÿ˜€

P.S. This was also a tag by Vishesh. I’ve got a couple of other left in my drafts, which I’ll be posting soon.

P.P.S. Ms. Charming Girl, you were exactly as I had imagined you would be. Thanks for meeting me last night…

(Photo Courtesy: CartoonStock.com)

10,000 hits in 4 months! :)

I started this blog in March 2008, after living up to one of my new-year resolutions to weed out all my other blogs (some of which were more than 2 years old) and to start writing afresh, here at MirrorCracked. In the four months since then, this blog has seen more than 10,000 hits, crossing the milestone yesterday around noon. I have a big smile on my face now and I want to thank each and every Reader. I am sponsoring unlimited food and drink to you all. Time and venue, we’ll decide based on your convenience and the depth of my wallet. ๐Ÿ˜€ So, let me know when you guys would be free to burn my money! Three Cheers for All of You!! ๐Ÿ˜€

I will do a couple of tags here, the first of which I borrowed from Rekha. As soon as a blog reaches 10,000 hits, we’re supposed to publish our very first post again. So, here it is! The post, dated March 16, 2008, written in NYC:

I started this blog with the intention of being naughty. Iโ€™m bored as hell with nothing to do and I thought if I could write some unimportant stuff here, I can vent my boredom. Iโ€™m from a quaint little city called Bangalore, south of a quaint country called India, which happens to be the best place in the whole wide universe. There are wide open skies, clear air, good people, ambient temperatures and half the worldโ€™s population and three-quarters of the vehicles of the world. Thereโ€™s no paranoia, no racism, no street brawls and no such thing as an indecent exposure. I love it there!

Iโ€™ve had a lot of blogs in my time, and Iโ€™ve found it hard to settle down to one. Principally, its because of my diversified interests in everything benign. Does that make sense?

Vatson has already commented on this post, I see. Well, what can I say? People recognize quality!

So, this brings me back to my original question: Yaake? (It means โ€œWhy?โ€ in my language), and I answer it: Summne (โ€No reasonโ€).

The second tag I’m going to do is one I borrowed from Shefaly. She had tagged me with a branding meme a long time ago, and since I still haven’t found the time to complete it, I’m doing the other interesting one, so as not to disappoint her! ๐Ÿ™‚

Here goes:

I am: a bit confused.
I think: I am losing my mind here!
I know: that I am God’s biggest mistake!
I want: to go home and sleep for 48 hours!
I have: been thinking something… Hmmm…
I wish: for more wishes! ๐Ÿ˜€
I hate: a few people in my life, but can’t really help it! ๐Ÿ˜€
I miss: being in love! ๐Ÿ˜€
I fear: slimy insects!
I feel: the urge to scream out loud…
I hear: deafening silence!
I smell: coffee in the office pantry, where I’m heading after posting this! ๐Ÿ˜€
I crave: for banana pancakes and honey! Slurp!
I search: for the one who shall remain forever.
I wonder: if I can finish my work in time today…
I regret: not being able to hold on to her!
I love: the smell of rain in summer.
I ache: when I twist my body in an awkward angle! ๐Ÿ˜›
I care: not one bit for the political jerks in the world! ๐Ÿ˜€
I am not: a religious guy!
I believe: I can fly!
I dance: when I am high! ๐Ÿ˜€
I sing: in the bathroom and while riding the bike!
I cry: not…
I donโ€™t always: tell the truth! Hee Hee Hee
I fight: with myself a lot!
I write: to please the Reader!
I win: always!
I lose: never!
I never: lose! ๐Ÿ˜›
I always: try not to repeat myself! ๐Ÿ˜€
I confuse: if I can’t convince!
I listen: very well…
I can usually be found: online! ๐Ÿ˜›
I am scared: of my own shadow! It’s a very powerful piece of dark magic!
I need: to be constantly reminded of my own mortality!
I am happy about: the fact that my blog has reached 10,000 hits in 4 months! ๐Ÿ˜€

Cheers Everyone! ๐Ÿ˜€